For example, Sadie found herself in the same interaction over and over with her husband, Benjamin. The interaction would go something like this:
Most of us in relationships have an easy time seeing how the other person is being controlling, and a very hard time seeing it in ourselves. We also generally don’t recognize that any time we are trying to control, we are creating an energy loop that perpetuates the dysfunctional relationship system.
Benjamin, in a judgmental voice: “You never seem to want to cuddle or make love anymore. What’s wrong with you?”
Sadie, in a kind voice: “Benjamin, are you aware of how often you criticize me? Don’t you see what you are doing that is causing problems in our relationship?”
Benjamin: “I’m fine. I’m not the problem. Maybe you need some hormones or something. You’re the one with the problem.”