It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us. 

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The One New Year's Resolution I Hope You Make...And Keep

2021 This one New Year’s resolution can change your life, heal your relationships, create health and well being, and heal our planet.

One of the most important aspects of Inner Bonding is opening to a compassionate intention to learn. I think a lot about love and compassion. Compassion is often more than people think it is.

Compassion does include the standard definition: the ability to feel empathy with another or others who are suffering, to be moved by the suffering and to want to help alleviate it.

 

But compassion is so much more…

It’s my experience that like love, we don’t generate it within ourselves; we open to it. Compassion, like love, peace, joy, grace and true wisdom, are gifts of spirit that we experience when we are open to learning about loving ourselves and others. These gifts are what the universe is. Compassion is a bright, light, loving energy that deeply connects you with yourself, others, animals and the planet.

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Three Secret Ways To Start Your Live Out Fresh

threesecretways

Here are three new and true beginnings you can start with today that will put you in the right place for leaving old self-defeating choices behind you for good.

 

  1. Each time you find yourself face to face with some overbearing man or woman who in some way intimidates you, dare to make this new and true beginning: act toward that person in exactly the way you want to act, and: not in the way you think he or she expects you to.

 

Within the guidelines of being kind and true, speak to that person as though you are completely free to say what you feel, for you are. What any individual may think about what you have to say is not your concern. So let this false concern go.

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How To Let Go of Self-Judgment

nomoreselfjudgement
Stop judging yourself. In this video, you'll learn how to let go of it. We are constantly beating ourselves up. It reinforces who we were in the past and we sabotage our present success and happiness to punish ourselves from our past.

You don't have to be a slave to your past. Use every experience for your growth and learning. Identify the lessons learned rather than judge yourself. Based on who you were you could not have made any other decision so there is no reason to regret.

You are not your behavior. Your soul is complete and good. Love yourself. Love now.

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Loving and Losing: The Best Gift of All

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Did I miss something?” asked Martha, her hand raised in the Hollywood Squares of my Zoom mindfulness class.

“What do you mean?” I inquired.

Well, we were having this relaxing and lovely meditation experience and now we are all of a sudden talking about death and dying, so I want to know… did I miss something?”

Wow. I looked at the faces of the human beings that have grown so close these last nine months as I listened to Martha’s question and imagined fear, maybe even anger arising in her. Although I had compassion for her discomfort, I had no problem answering her by saying, “Yes, actually. You missed loving connected presence. You missed the fact that we are here to support each other for whatever comes up.”

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Let’s Talk About JOY

Joy

Spirit has been talking to me about reminding people about their joy. So … let’s talk about JOY.

First off, in whatever time frame you are reading this … Have you at this point today, laughed yet? Laughed. Have you laughed yet today? Have you done something today that has gotten you excited, made you kind of giddy, have a big smile on your face, and feel joyful from the inside out?

How many of you know, feel, recognize, understand that you need more of that? You need more laughter. You need more joy. You need more play. You need more fun … that you desire happiness, light-heartedness, connectedness.

Do you recognize that? Even if you’ve had it, do you invite more joy, more play, more fun into your life?

It is the highest expression of love there is.

I want you to think about the ways we were taught to express love and the way that you experienced joy as a child. You might not have been allowed to have joy. A lot of people didn’t.

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Is Self-Love A Pre- Requisite To Soulmate Love?

Self-Love

Self-Love is the hot topic in the personal growth movement these days and when it comes to finding soulmate love, there are a lot of myths that until you love yourself first, you won’t be able to get anyone else to love you. Can this really be true?

My experience has been that most women and some men (at least in the Northern hemisphere) live with a negative, critical voice in their heads that is often filled with ugly, shaming thoughts, self doubt, and brings with it feelings of never being “good enough.”

And, I began to wonder, do you really have to eliminate that persistent voice in order to find true love? Do we really need to be 100% in love with ourselves to experience Big Love?

I don’t think so.

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Are You Perpetuating a Controlling Relationship System?

control

For example, Sadie found herself in the same interaction over and over with her husband, Benjamin. The interaction would go something like this:

Most of us in relationships have an easy time seeing how the other person is being controlling, and a very hard time seeing it in ourselves. We also generally don’t recognize that any time we are trying to control, we are creating an energy loop that perpetuates the dysfunctional relationship system.

Benjamin, in a judgmental voice: “You never seem to want to cuddle or make love anymore. What’s wrong with you?”

Sadie, in a kind voice: “Benjamin, are you aware of how often you criticize me? Don’t you see what you are doing that is causing problems in our relationship?”

Benjamin: “I’m fine. I’m not the problem. Maybe you need some hormones or something. You’re the one with the problem.”

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Don’t Rain On The Parade

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Why do we have cheerleaders?

The Practice:
Don’t rain on the parade.

Why?

Let’s say you’ve had an interesting idea or moment of inspiration, or thought of a new project, or felt some enthusiasm bubbling up inside you. Your notions are not fully formed and you’re not really committed to them yet, but they have promise and you like them and are trying them on for size. Then what?

If a family member or friend responds in a neutral or positive way, even if they also raise some practical questions, you likely feel good, supported, energized. But if that same person were to lead with a mainly negative response, focusing on problems, constraints, and risks – no matter how valid they are – you’d probably feel at least a little deflated, and maybe misunderstood, put down, or obstructed. Take a moment to reflect on how this may have happened to you, as a child or an adult.

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How To Raise Conscious and Happy Kids

happyfamily Parenting becomes a profound opportunity for your soul’s evolution.

Your children are gifts from the Universe.

As parents, you have the most important job in the world. You have the profound privilege to impact and guide another soul.

The goal isn’t to make them into the image that you think they should be. But to provide the space and environment for them to become their most authentic selves.

Remember that your children are souls and have their own lessons that they need to learn in this lifetime. You don’t determine their lessons, but you do get to love them unconditionally regardless of what they may go through and prepare them to be able to face life challenges.

Loving your children unconditionally is the greatest gift you can give them. When they don’t have to be what they think you want, they are free to be themselves.

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420 Hits

What to Do If You Are Alone for the Holidays

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Being alone for the holidays is a major challenge for many people, and this is especially true during the pandemic. For many people, holidays  conjure images of family, of warmth and the sharing of special time. Loneliness can be overwhelming when you have no one with whom to share holiday time, or you can’t get together.

Most people know that the point of the holidays – and what makes them so special – is not about what you get, but what you give. The joy of the holiday season is about the love you share. Our hearts get filled to the brim with love when we give and share love – way more than when we get love.

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566 Hits

Loving Everyone More This Season-- Even When You Don't Know How

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(This message is dedicated to all of us who long for more meaningful relationships, even with people who mean the most...)

My father is no longer alive. But when he was alive, I always had the fantasy that I would have an intimate conversation with him. It would be a bit like the Brady Bunch dad, cut with some Gandhi, Tony Robbins, and my favorite therapist. He’d ask me, “How would you describe the meaning of life? ” Or “How can I support your essence most?” But, instead, my father, a practical and private man asked, “So, what’s the population of Denver?” I’d cave with disappointment and shrug my shoulders as an answer and a rebuke.      

“Delta flies over here at least twice a day,” my father said, as though this was a clue to all existence. We sat together on the front porch of our house in Brooklyn, way before Brooklyn was cool. I flew 2,000 miles to be back home, and not on Delta, to see my parents, and this is what he wants to share with me. Flight patterns of major airlines. I am already telling the story to all my friends in my mind. I am drowning at this point in my life and crave support. But that’s not what’s for dinner here.   

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630 Hits

The Secret of Harmonious Relationships

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Many times the very thing we want from those we are with—for example, respect, patience, or a just little tenderness—is the very thing that we ourselves either lack at the moment or otherwise somehow are withholding from them.

The “catch” here is that we are mostly clueless about our own actual impoverished condition in these moments because—quietly tucked away in the depths of us are certain clever “self-concealing devices.” The continuing presence of these unconscious parts of us ensures we never realize that it is we who run in debt because of how quickly they point out the inadequacies of those they judge. Each time our attention is successfully diverted in this way, here’s what unfolds: not only are we kept from coming awake to ourselves, but in this engineered spiritual sleep we are rendered unable to realize that the very quality we judge as missing in the person before us is actually lacking in ourselves!

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Your Ego Puppy Will Be In Distress When You Try This

ego-puppy Your Ego Puppy Will Be In Distress When You Try This

Did you know that when you judge someone else your unconscious mind applies that same judgment to you?

So the more you judge others, the more you are really judging yourself.

And by constantly seeing the bad, you actually train your mind to see more of the bad.

Wow! How stressful is that?

This increase in stress weakens your immune system, causes high blood pressure, fatigue depression and anxiety. 

It’s easy to find fault in yourself and others, but it often takes real effort to find the good. 

Can you go a whole week without judging yourself and others?

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481 Hits

“How Do I Ask For What I Need?”

Having-coffee-together

In a healthy, loving relationship, partners ask each other for what they need, and generally receive a caring response. But sometimes this can get tricky – depending on whether it is your loving adult asking, or your wounded self. This dilemma is expressed by Julie in the following question:

“How can I express to my partner that sometimes I need the time and attention he gives to other people without sounding jealous or selfish.”

While this might seem like a simple question, it has many subtle aspects to it.

Julie, the first question I would suggest you ask of yourself is, “Why do I need the time and attention that my partner gives other people?”

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Let Go and Give Others Room to Grow

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There is one essential ingredient missing in most of our relationships -- one that is definitely required if we wish to continue in our own development and help others to do the same. What is this powerful catalyst that only we can provide for each other? Room in which to grow.

We can help others reach higher by simply agreeing, consciously, to give them space to go through their changes even when these changes may challenge our sense of self and its well-being. As just one simple example of how to help in this way, we must each learn to keep ourselves quiet when the actions of someone close to us start to disturb us. Why is this new kind of self-silence so important for the growth of both parties involved? 

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729 Hits

Why You Should Chase More than a Paycheck

Julie-Murphy-Find-Your-Passion-blog Find Your Passion

We all need a paycheck to provide for ourselves and our families, but who says that paycheck can’t come from something you’re passionate about and love doing? Take your passion and make it happen. Why? Because that’s what brings you money! I cannot tell you how many times I’ve witnessed this: real people chasing real dreams and finding real wealth. It’s not only possible, it’s really doable!

You don’t need to stay stuck in a career you don’t love to make money. In fact, staying in a place you feel unfulfilled is limiting you from reaching your full potential.

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564 Hits

Love, Gratitude and Humor

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This will be a most unusual Thanksgiving for many families, no need to explain why.

I am grateful for the local restaurant I am ordering a few complete Turkey feasts from (including a slice of Pumpkin Pie) and I will miss the fun and festivities of being with family.

I will be sending all of them a big dose of love via this eight-minute Feelingization™ video that will take you from your head to your heart and fill you with a delicious experience of love.

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416 Hits

Relationships: “Why am I Struggling After All My Healing?”

sad-lonely-woman-outdoor-in-winter-picture-id917929642 “Why am I Struggling After All My Healing?”

I can’t tell you how often I hear from my clients that “I should be further along in my healing process,” especially when it comes to relationships.

Sophia is struggling with this:

“I’m finding my new relationship extremely challenging. After three years of being single, I thought I’d be further along with self-esteem challenges, but no! I can so easily find myself feeling needy with my partner AND abandoning myself – behavior that feels frightening and shameful. Suggestions on how to soothe myself in the moment? I do EFT and Heartmath exercises that help, but am still really struggling. Thanks!”

Sophia may have done much inner work during the three years she was single, but being in a relationship triggers old fears of rejection that likely never got triggered in the three single years. You can do a ton of work on yourself – learning how to take loving care of yourself in many different ways, but taking care of yourself in a relationship is a whole other thing.

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564 Hits

How to stay Empowered in the Presence of Bullies and Psychos

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One of the major human lessons today is learning to take our power back and reposition ourselves above the bullying and abuse that exists in the world.

Bullies and psychopaths are not just in the movies, they are real personality types. Manipulation and control are as addictive as heroin to these people. While they make horrible spouses and BFF’s, they are amazing spiritual teachers!

If a person has low self-worth or is lacking in self-respect they will attract these types of people and will probably get into a close relationship with them. They will keep these people close until they have learned the lessons they need to be more self-loving and self-respecting.

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462 Hits

Caretaking Others Prevents You From Knowing Yourself

couples-hand-tied-with-metal-chain-picture-id1176189249 Is your addiction to caretaking stopping you from knowing yourself?

“I have had to parent my whole life, never really able to be a kid from my childlike mother to my son-like husband. Everything seems to depend on me doing the right thing and staying on the straight and narrow. My husband is saying he is going to leave for many years and I know it is the right thing, but I’m scared of facing ME, I don’t even know Loretta. What is one thing I can do to let go? After 18 years with my mother and 21 with my husband, dysfunctional relationships are all I know, despite my years of therapy and self-help books.”

If you were brought up in a codependent family system and learned to be a caretaker, it is likely that you do not know yourself. Despite years of therapy, this is the position I was in when our guidance brought us Inner Bonding, and this is the position Loretta is in:

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30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

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