It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us. 

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How To Radically Accept Yourself

selflove

Have you ever wondered what it would feel like to be truly free of your past? To accept and love yourself fully and not see your life through the lens of your baggage?

This is the liberation that’s possible with radical acceptance. 

Radical acceptance means taking life on life’s terms. Surrendering to what it is without judgment – the good and the bad – and taking responsibility for the parts we need to work on. When you look at yourself and your life with this kind of honesty, you’ll experience true freedom and you’ll find the path to self-acceptance and deep self-love. 

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3 Signs That You Might Have Imposter Syndrome

imposter

How to Erase Self Doubt and Embrace Your True Greatness

You may have never heard of the term “imposter syndrome” before, but chances are, you or someone you know has suffered or is currently suffering from this debilitating psychological phenomenon. 

According to a recent study published in the International Journal of Behavioral Science, about 70% of all people will experience symptoms of imposter syndrome at some point in their lives.

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The Ripple Effect of LOVE

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Seeking more love in your life?

A fast, easy way to make it happen is to put your attention on all the love that is already around you (family, friends, pets, etc.) and then actively engage in making love happen and spread by creating a “ripple effect.”

Everything we do and think affects the people in our lives and the choices we make have far-reaching consequences. Like an incredibly interwoven and complicated tapestry, the Ripple Effect, creates connections that we are all a part of. Thoughts and actions are like stones dropped in a pond and they create ripples that travel outward.

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United We Stand; Divided We Are Merely A Distraction

United We Stand

I find it interesting that when this quote first came to me a few years ago I thought of it relative to organizations, communities, societies or families. As time went on, I realized this statement is most significant when it comes to my life experiences as a gay person.

United I stand, divided I am merely a distraction.

I was divided as a teenager when I realized that I was much more drawn to women rather than men. I had feelings for a young woman a little older than me yet the church said I was going to hell. My grandmother actually mourned when I was almost 14 that she would not see me in heaven. Here I was without even a driver’s permit and my grandmother is telling her former favorite granddaughter that she would not see me in heaven. A part of me died a little and felt divided.

The deeper truth of the matter was when I was 10 years old, my mother was accused of having an affair. We lived in a small southern town and to this day, I still do not know if it was true or an accusation. What is true is in the 60’s the South was just like they featured  in the famous film ‘Prince of Tides’. We put things under a rug and don’t look back. We don’t talk about anything that makes us uncomfortable. We medicated before we meditated. We have so many untold secrets and some of the secrets keep us up at night.  When this accusation happened involving my mom, I was sent up North to be with family and my mom was sent to a mental hospital and was gone for a long time. They used those barbaric shock treatments on her and she was never the same. She returned with very little of her memory in place and has experienced physical difficulties due to those methods. We never spoke of these events again. I certainly tried to but no one would engage. 

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The Easiest Way To Transform Relationships Into A Loving Piece Of Your Life Story

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Our life experience can be easier then many of us imagine. Much of humanity has chosen to believe, even embrace, stories of pain and grief instead of love and joy. This is a betrayal of our true compassionate nature. I’m going to share the easiest way to transform relationships into a loving piece of your story.

Recently I was enjoying conversation with a Vedic astrologer from India. I asked him about possible challenges leaving his home country and family. San Jay shared he focuses only on how he feels now. He is able to speak with his family by phone and walks by their side energetically. He has removed the past challenge from the possibilities in his life and enjoys his everyday experience that includes an energetic closeness with his family.

In my own life I decided to reconnect with my brother that died of suicide years ago. I needed to let go of the grief and confusion I held in my heart and mind. I had been holding onto my brother’s life story, not reaching for his soul’s energy. I touched the uncomfortable and complicated thoughts and called his spirit to me. I did this in several meditations.

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Pandemic Parenting 101: Don’t Forget to Prioritize Your Own Wellness

mothermeditation

It has been a long road through this pandemic reality, and even with some very promising corners turned, we are not through it yet. Many parents have been navigating these strange days simply by doing all they can to keep their children’s lives on track — even if that means neglecting their own well-being. If that sounds familiar, this article is for you. Your wellness matters, and putting yourself last all the time isn’t ultimately doing anyone any favors.

We all want our kids to be happy. We want them to thrive, and we want to protect them from undue strife or struggle any way we can. But here’s the thing: If we all lived by that saying, “You’re only as happy as your least happy child,” we’d doom ourselves to a lifetime of limited joy. Until we take our happiness into our own hands and unhook it from our kids, we won’t experience the grounded sense of peace and joyfulness we crave with any consistency.

4 Ways to Set Your Happiness Free with Mindfulness

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How To Forgive

forgiveness
It’s one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself, to forgive. Forgive everybody. ~Maya Angelou


Forgiveness IS one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves, but how do we genuinely get there?

Many people believe that if they just decide to forgive someone, they have actually forgiven them, only to discover anger or resentment emerging over and over. So how to forgive?

Alyce wrote me the following question:

“Dr. Paul, How do I sincerely forgive my soon-to-be ex-husband of 32 years for infidelity committed prior to him even asking me for a divorce? I feel angry, hurt and jealous that he would give another woman the affection that he denied me. I know I must forgive him in order for me to heal and move on, but how to forgive?”

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Desiring Love: It’s in Your DNA

soulmates

Have you ever wondered why we humans seek a soulmate?

What is it about us that craves this deep connection to another?

Where does our yearning come from?

Are we genetically designed to be mated?

One fascinating and possible answer comes from Aristophanes, the acclaimed playwright and philosopher of ancient Athens.

He offers a wild tale that he shared at Plato’s Symposium about how the deep desire for Oneness came about.

Long, long ago in primal times people had doubled bodies: four arms, four legs, two heads and they were big and round….

These roly-poly creatures wheeled around earth like clowns doing cartwheels & were very powerful.

There were three sexes: the all-male, the all-female, and those who were half male, half female.

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Let's Get Angry

firewoman
“Anger is often an exuberant expression. It is the force that injects energy, intensity, and urgency into battles that must be intense and urgent if they are to be won.”
 —Rebecca Traister

I've Been Thinking...

A couple of years ago, I did a story for TODAY on author Lisa Taddeo and her best-selling book Three Women. The book was an instant best-seller and launched a nationwide conversation about women and desire. In fact, it’s fair to say that it blew the lid off a topic that was once taboo.

Now Lisa is back with a new book called Animal. This time she is writing about another taboo subject: women and anger. I, for one, couldn’t be happier to be jumping into this conversation because it’s one that needs to be had! That’s right. Women and anger deserve their own conversation, and we need permission to have it out in the open without fear of judgment or outrage.

Just like women want and need to talk about desire, we also want and need to talk about anger (or at least I do). I don’t say that just because there is a lot to be angry about these days (an assault on voting rights, a continued debate on who gets to decide what we can or cannot do with women’s bodies, gun reform, and a lack of support for child care, elder care, and family leave—to name a few). There is a lot to be angry about that’s never really been spoken about: a woman’s role in the church, women’s fight for equal pay, and the status (or lack thereof) of women around the world.

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Kindness to You is Kindness to Me; Kindness to Me is Kindness to You

kindesstoall

What do you need?

The Practice:
Kindness to you is kindness to me; kindness to me is kindness to you.

Why?

I usually describe a practice as something to do: get on your own side, see the being behind the eyes, take in the good, etc. This practice is different: it’s something to recognize. From this recognition, appropriate action will follow. Let me explain.

Some years ago, I was invited to give a keynote at a conference with the largest audience I’d ever faced. It was a big step up for me. Legendary psychologists were giving the other talks, and I feared I wouldn’t measure up. I was nervous. Real nervous.

I sat in the back waiting my turn, worrying about how people would see me. I thought about how to look impressive and get approval. My mind fixed on me, me, me. I was miserable.

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The New Rulers Of Earth

lovingnature

Through all the tyranny and injustice which plague the earth on this day and in these times, one Thing, one Fact, one Truth remains and that is: There Is Only One Reality, The Original Creation of the Divine Mother’s Love in full manifestation and expression on this Earth and on all Earths and Star Systems throughout Eternia.  

Love is, was and Will Always Be the only true and absolute Ruler of this Earth, as Love is the creator of Earth and the Ruler Of All Creation by Divine Edict. Love is the Infinite wanting to Gift us Life. Love Is and will always be, the only, the ALL, the ONE. 

The Master told us, “The meek shall inherit the earth.” His promise is a statement of fact now being realized by those with eyes to see. Through the rubble and clouds of misinformation and intentional trickery, the Divine Light of God’s Eternal Truth, emerges triumphantly, shines brightly, and speaks loudly in the Heart as a Still Small Voice yearning to be heard. 

For in each and every situation we encounter, like water rising to seek its own level, so Love, and the Light of that Love becomes a beacon shining out as the highest point in any given occurrence, and all the forces surrounding that Love are Awakened and Empowered and Up Lifted and Transformed by that Love. 

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Summon Self-Compassion

positivethoughts

We are suffering more than we are meant to. Chronic stress. Loneliness. Isolation. Anxiety. Depression. We are overwhelmed by pain because we’re alienated from the basic understanding of who we truly are. What if we recognized that we are made of infinite energy emanating from a source of unimaginable creative power? Suffering wouldn’t linger as much as we allow it to now.

Here are three suggestions on how to become a positive thought warrior. 

Mindset Shifts to Summon Self-Compassion 

  1. Become aware of your self-talk.
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Learning to Live in Pure Joy

purejoy

We must remember that we all deserve love and joy, and all that is good and beautiful. If we keep this thought in mind, life will naturally tend to be beautiful.

Most of us deep down within, could be feeling they don't deserve a lot they are gifted with, also our socio-cultural environment has taught us this spirit of sacrifice and we are inevitably taught to deal with a lot of guilt regarding our personal belongings.

This is most specially relevant if you come from a wealthy and affluent family. You are given the message time and again that you do not deserve this abundance and you need to give it up or give it away as you have no right on what you have not worked for. Of course sharing is a very noble part of the human existence,  but sharing from a space of guilt is incorrect. We need to share from a space of love.

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Does Your Life Feel Alive And Meaningful?

feeling alive

Do you find that nothing really excites you or holds much meaning for you? Does your life lack aliveness, passion and purpose?

Vera sought out counseling with me because her doctor advised her to discover the emotional causes of her chronic fatigue. Vera, a successful stockbroker, was in a loving 18-year marriage. On the surface, everything in her life was fine. She had enough money, friends and a good relationship with her husband. Yet Vera awoke each morning battling fatigue and depression. She didn’t want to get out of bed because nothing felt meaningful to her.

David sought my help because of chronic feelings of inner emptiness. David is very successful in his manufacturing business, has a good marriage and two adult children. Like Vera, everything seemed fine. Yet the feelings of inner emptiness drove David to overeat, overspend and indulge in porn on the Internet. Like Vera, nothing felt meaningful to him.

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Where You’re Stuck, You’re Blessed

selflove

Where you’re stuck, believe it or not, you’re blessed. Because here is where you can meet the alchemy of self-love and a whole new level of progress. 

When I’m frustrated, an inner dark knight moans, “You are broken and there are a thousand armies to hold you back.” This ancient foe covers the sun, chills the air. You will always feel this way. You will always be stuck. And yet this dark knight crumples immediately before the magic of willingness. 

Here is the willingness I have used to change my life:

I am willing to walk past my resistance. 

I am willing to believe that something will shift or give way. 

I am willing to stay true to my love.  

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Copyright

© ©2019 Tama Kieves. All rights reserved.

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A Simple Practice to Bring More Harmony Into Every Relationship

harmony_relationsips

Our relationships with one another are often a source of distress. One major form of conflict we experience with others involves their failure to give us the consideration we feel they owe us. We often suffer from thoughts like these: "She is not being respectful enough." "He is not as kind as I want him to be." "They just don't care as deeply as I do." 

However, if we will be courageous enough to see the truth of the next insight, and then admit it into our heart and mind, we can change the real root of this underlying sense of our dissatisfaction with others along with the conflict it generates: Many times the very thing we want from the person we are with -- for example, respect, patience, kindness, love -- is the very thing that we ourselves either lack at the moment or otherwise somehow are withholding from them. The "catch" here is that we are mostly unconscious to our actual inner condition in these encounters with others, and here's a major reason why this happens: 

Hidden in each of us are certain clever "self-concealing devices" whose sole reason for being is to protect our self-image and keep us asleep to ourselves. One of the ways they work is to show us ourselves as blameless while pointing the arrow of insufficiency at someone else.

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Unworthiness

golden heart

What is unworthiness? Of course, it is the awareness of a part of your personality that says to itself, “I am unworthy,” for example, I am unworthy of the love that I have in my life, or the wealth that I have, and more commonly, I am unworthy of the happiness that I feel. Thoughts such as “It’s too good to be true, and “This can’t last forever because it is too good” are experiences of unworthiness. You feel unworthy of what the Universe has given you, that you do not deserve it, that the other shoe will fall, and it is only a matter of time before you will get what you really deserve, which will be painful.

Unworthiness is all these things and more. It is the inmost frightening thought that you do not belong, no matter how much you want to belong. That you are an outsider and will always be an outsider. It is the idea that you are flawed and cannot be fixed. It is wanting to be loved and feeling unlovable, or wanting to love and feeling that you are not capable of loving. It is the feeling that no matter what you do, it is not enough, that you are incurably inadequate, intrinsically and permanently flawed. It is the fear of people seeing you as you really are, the belief that if they did, they would not want anything to do with you. All this is the experience of unworthiness, and beneath all of this is the experience of powerlessness – of feeling powerless to be a real part of Life, to love, to be loved, to affect the world, to be heard, to be worth hearing or to have something worthy saying. It is self-loathing, self-hatred, and no matter how difficult this idea is to even consider, it will not leave you somewhere deep inside, and it is excruciating. It is the most painful experience in the Earth school, and everyone shares it. This is the pain of powerlessness.

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Loving Yourself When Your Partner Shuts You Out

lovingself

What do you do when your partner shuts you out?

Do you know that being shut out and stonewalled is even more hurtful than being yelled at? Children would rather get yelled at or even hit than ignored. This is why the worst punishment for prisoners is solitary confinement.

Yet, along with overt anger, withdrawal is the most common form of controlling behavior in relationships. Just as the fear of anger keeps partners from addressing issues, so does the fear of a partner’s withdrawal.

Loretta is struggling with this issue.

“I’m in a two year relationship. My main problem is how can I raise an issue without him turning his back on me and walking away? I have to follow him to get my feeling across only to have him ignore me. He says I am never happy with what he does and feels frustrated that he can’t make me happy. The ignoring makes me feel unloved and rejected. I have told him how it makes me feel but he still does it.”

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Can You Be Fierce and Feminine?

princess-try-queen

Traditionally the word feminine has been defined as having qualities traditionally ascribed to women, such as sensitivity, gentleness, being demure, modest, or delicate.

This seems so limited and last mid-Century to me.

In my coaching I often come across women who don’t believe they have the right to ask for what they most want, need, and desire, feeling that if they do ask, they will either be rejected or seen as too aggressive.

This happens in both their business life and romantic relationships.

Oy.

I believe that part of the problem comes from being raised on a diet of books and movies with the theme “let’s all become princesses” as we hope that someday Prince Charming will magically arrive and kiss us out of our comas.

Ugh.

Ladies, don’t you think it’s time to embrace your “Inner Queen” and step into your power and fierceness?

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Life Review: A Preview

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When you reach the end of your life, you won’t look back and wish you had made more money, owned a condo in Aspen, or won a Pulitzer prize. None of that will matter. What you will see is all the people you interacted with in your lifetime and how you affected them. In a split second of life review, you will experience yourself as others experienced you and how they felt in being with you. You will know firsthand the love, caring, hurt, or thoughtlessness you energetically transmitted through your words, thoughts, and actions. Your lifetime effect on everyone and everything (including animals, plants, etc.) will be God’s gift to you at the moment of your transition out of the Earth dimension. Instant karma.

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30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

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