It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us.
Who do you trust?
As I grew up, at home and school it felt dangerous to be myself – my whole self, including the parts that made mistakes, got rebellious and angry, goofed around too loudly, or were awkward and vulnerable.
Not dangers of violence, as many have faced, but risks of being punished in other ways, or rejected, shunned, and shamed.
So, as children understandably do, I put on a mask. Closed up, watching warily, managing the performance of “me.” There was a valve in my throat: I knew what I thought and felt deep inside, but little of it came out into the world.
The Self. When I use the term, the self, I am not talking about the created self. In my book, You Are Enough, I outlined the distinction between the authentic self, or essential self, and the created self. The short version, or synopsis of my book, is that as long as we continue to identify as the created self, the ego and the identity, we continue to perpetuate our suffering. The reason we are not excelling in every area of life, is because of our conditioning out of our normal state of being.
I’d like to offer you a shortcut today, a cheat code, a way to access what every incredible being throughout human history has accessed and embodied. I’d like you to begin to love what you have been taught to reject, love what you have concluded that you have to repress, love what you have denied, and especially, meet every single part of you with the love that it deserves to receive. At some point, you have to realize the futility of being afraid.
What’s the first thing that any of us do when trouble comes? The first thing that happens when we get into trouble is that we start thinking. Our little think machine just gets geared up, and it starts to go. And it goes. Now, what is it thinking about? It’s thinking about the trouble it’s in and it’s thinking about ways in which to get out of trouble.
And once our little machine starts to think about ways to get out of trouble, and is able to identify the way in which it can free itself, what does it do? It starts asking for stuff, doesn’t it? “Oh, please fix this. Please get rid of this. Please change this.”
We must be willing to look at ourselves and see that when something happens and a pain comes, we start thinking. And when we start seeing what we think is the problem, even if it’s about ourselves, we start asking for ways to be free of this situation.
The foundation of your life is based on the foundation of your own self-esteem and your relationship with your self-worth. Self-esteem is at the root of your experience of yourself and other people. We tend to experience life at the level of our self-esteem, and the quality of our life will be at the quality of our self-esteem in terms of how we see ourselves. Listen to this very important episode as I dive deep into the signs of low self-esteem, and how to rise above and change your narrative to believe that "You are enough, just as you are."
Have you ever noticed that when you’re under the cloud of some negative state, what you do to try to “make things better” actually makes the situation worse? Struggling to free yourself from your own negative reactions is a bit like throwing gasoline onto a fire, isn’t it?
Recognizing that you get trapped in this pattern of taking action that neither relieves nor rescues you from negative states actually opens up the possibility of another kind of action based on higher self-knowledge.
Following are three new actions – the fundamental “ABC’s” – that can start you on the path to breaking free from negative thoughts and feelings:
In the moment when suddenly you are carried away in a river of negative thoughts and feelings, does it not seem as if the first thing to do is to, at all costs, avoid? Not just the states themselves, but to try to correct or reconcile the situation that these suffering thoughts and feeling are based in?
What can you count on?
Love what’s real.
Because this practice could seem so abstract or so obvious that it’s not worth doing, I am going to take longer than usual to explain why it’s so important.
As I grew up, my family and schools felt like shaky ground. I didn’t understand why my parents and many kids reacted the ways they did, with worry or anger that was unrelated to what was actually happening. It felt shaky inside me, too, and I didn’t understand my own feelings and reactions. Outside and inside both felt twirly, up in the air, unnerving.
So I looked for solid ground. I tried to see and understand what was really true. The orange groves and hills around our home were natural and comforting, and I spent a lot of time there. I started reading science fiction and liked an orderly universe in which you could figure out why the spaceship was falling and save it.
Do you consider yourself a leader?
Executives, entrepreneurs, parents, coaches, politicians, social activists, influencers of all kinds are leading our world today.
The world is filled with leaders…
What we need more of are Enlightened Leaders.
An enlightened leader sees how the world around them could be improved and they rally others to create that vision with truth, compassion, love and awareness.
YOU are the NEW enlightened leader!
Everyday you influence the decisions being made around you.
Whether you're looking for a new job, building your business or simply trying to get the kids to behave, you are influencing someone every day.
How is that working out for you?
I’ve had to go through some pretty interesting things on a personal level in order to be who I am today. Experiences I would never have actually consciously created, things that on an egoic level I would have never signed up for. But all of these things and experiences are actually everything that I needed in order to fully wake up to be who I am today.
I’ve discovered through the course of my own personal journey, that the acceptance of what is happening, no matter what that may be in the moment, provides me a sense of relief. And, as much as it’s provided me a sense of relief, it is providing an ever-expanding global community a sense of relief.
The 8th anniversary of my sister Debbie’s passing was a few days ago.
I was going through some recordings we did together and found a “feelingization” on falling in love with yourself that is just gorgeous.
Below is the essence of the process and you can also access the audio here.
Place your attention on the area around your heart, and take a deep breath into the deepest part of yourself, as you hold the intention of falling in love with yourself: knowing that you are worthy, loving, and wholly unique.
See yourself seated on a beautiful velvet loveseat in the center of your own heart…. a cozy and comfortable love seat…. now look off to your left and you are going to see an image of you…. it’s an image of your most loveable self: the part of you that radiates joy and hope: the part of you that knows you are special and unique and that there is nobody like you in the world.
What does that aspect of you look like? Maybe you’ll see an image of yourself at age 2, or 3, or 15 or 22. It’s you radiating love. Your eyes are lit up, you are irresistible. Now just invite that aspect of yourself to come and sit beside you on the loveseat as you continue to breathe deeply.
It may not
Look like it
But the children
are in charge
The only world
They are bringing
The infinite of their being
Their love is mature
Did hearing " Happy Valentine's Day" make you smile, or did it make you weep? Were you looking forward to the day, or were you mad that you aren’t where you want to be when it comes to love? If your answer is the latter, let’s take a walk (not a real one, of course, although I’d love that). Let’s take a moment to simply connect and be.
After all, that’s what love is really all about. It's about being wholly yourself with another human and feeling loved for who you are. It’s not about a fancy dinner, a piece of jewelry, flowers, sex, or chocolates. Don’t get me wrong, those things are great, but they don’t define love on their own.
Love is deep. It’s varied. It’s complex and yet also simple. It’s romantic but also platonic. It can fill your heart up, and it can break it into a thousand little pieces.
I’ve learned a lot about love over the years—what it is and isn’t—and much of what I’ve learned has come from a painful place. That said, it’s all helped me get to a more loving space in my life.
A woman asked me the following question:
“Why am I worthy at all? Saying I am a divine being does not answer to the underlying issue of self-worth in physical world reality. My daughter did something she is very ashamed of and has been suffering from low self-worth. I have had a hard time explaining why what she does is not who she is.”
The daughter is suffering primarily because she is harshly judging herself for whatever it is she did. Instead, she needs to forgive herself, learn from her mistake, and be compassionate toward herself for being human and making mistakes – which all humans do.
Wishing to be free, without taking action toward our intention, is meaningless; we must employ the truths we uncover, or we will never realize the possibility of their true power, which is to help us walk away from what has been wrecking us. But with this new understanding in mind we must also realize that the truth that sets us free is not for hire; it does not so much “work” for us as it is our silent partner, producing the new life we long for. This means several things.
First, we must be receptive to truth’s instruction in the Now; only conscious awareness of our aching can lead us to what authentically answers it, ending it. But secondly, we must -- ourselves -- be true in the same moment to what we know is the truth of that moment. We must do the truth we know. We must refuse, no matter what the seeming cost in the moment, to take part in any conversation with those parts of us that have proven themselves, time and time again, to compromise us.
Do you know that the deeper version of who we are has a vibrational signature?
Pause a moment, ask the following…
Now check inside.
What does it mean to define ourselves and how we go about doing that?
Do you ever wonder, “Who am I?” Or question, “How have I decided to present myself to the world?”
Perhaps the definitions, conscious or unconscious, of who we think we are—our “types” or labels—might be running our life.
You might identify and define yourself consciously as: I’m a mother or father, a student, a doctor, an employee, a spiritual person, or a physically-strong and athletic person. Maybe it’s subconscious labels such as… I’m insecure or not enough. I’m supposed to be different than I am. I’m a logical or smart person.
No matter the label we choose, they are all limiting boxes.
In February, our attention is often pulled to thoughts of love and romance, including heart-shaped boxes of chocolates, candlelit dinners, and dozens of roses from a partner who adores us. But while romantic relationships can make our hearts beat a wild tango (and are a delightful facet of our human existence!) here’s what I know to be true:
You can only love another to the extent you love yourself.
And self-love is rooted in self-forgiveness. Generosity of the heart, reverence, respect, and empathy for all living things bring you profound power to live a life of happiness and contentment. And that includes generosity, empathy, and compassion for yourself!
It would seem – given the speed and ease with which most of us judge others and ourselves– that there’s something natural, even good about it. After all, just about every time our eyes alight on someone or something, we judge it as good or bad, all based on how it stacks up against some inner ideal we have of how things should be.
Why is she wearing that? He’s so clueless. OMG: I look terrible today. The inner comments never stop, and often come out in complaints we express to others. But we don’t see them as complaints. To us they are nothing less than our intelligent observations of life around us.
We also don’t see how this endless stream of judgments hurts us. When we impose a negative view on things and people based on the past conditioning we bring to the moment, we can’t experience life directly, or see the good it may be offering. We can’t see the beauty in what we’ve summarily cast away.
Sometimes there is not a word for what I want to describe. I have made up many words for my own use like, Thrival, Beditation and Heartfulness.
Expansion and contraction tend to be considered opposites. From my experience there is something other than contraction I call INSPANSION.
Expansion is often an increase of growing wider and larger.
Contraction is generally considered a decrease, restriction or withdrawal.
Just like how we can have an expanded awareness usually related to the mind, we can also have an inspanded awareness with our heart.
INSPANSION is inward growth, going deeper inside, coming more into yourself. Inspansion is manifest oneness.
Inspansion is not a limitation like contraction. It is complete and all inclusive acceptance.
2021 is a year of movement—and it’s a wave you want to catch! We’ve all been paddling on our etheric surfboards for the past nine months and something is getting ready to birth. Perhaps you can’t quite see or feel it yet, but rest assured it’s happening…
In these times that may feel shaky and unstable, I want to share an option you can consciously choose in this moment…. Because you get to choose in each moment how you use your energies, resources and time.
This year is the perfect time to choose to step into your greater Self, because that is what humanity needs right now. For each of us to show up as our magnificence. For each of us to choose to stay in a place of loving possibility.
Rather than our tendency to push the discomfort away—to create distraction or become unfocused by what is unfolding “out there,” we must choose to go inward into the core Truth of who we are. Because we are not separate. We are a part of humanity and this is what humanity does. This tendency for a “contraction” or anchoring of energies out-pictures in various ways. We are experiencing an increase in domestic violence, in pandemic cases, in overdrinking or overeating, and in a lot of abrasiveness in the world that’s coming up and out as we try to deal with the pain or issues.
Do you believe that if you intellectually understand Inner Bonding without practicing it, change occurs?
Think of it this way: If you read a lot of books about working out, but you don’t actually work out, will your body get into shape?
If you read nutrition books but don’t change to a healthy diet, will you get healthier?
If you read about playing an instrument but don’t practice the instrument, will you learn to play it?
Inner Bonding is no different. It is a practice.
If you are resistant to practicing, there are good reasons for it. Actually, exploring your resistance is part of the practice. Here are some of the reasons you might be resisting the practice of Inner Bonding:
If this is your fear, then you need to do some groundwork first. You might need some trauma therapy, such as EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique) or SE (Somatic Experiencing) to de-escalate the intensity of your feelings and help you learn to regulate them.