It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us. 

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Shine The Light Of Your Own Awareness

Blog-shine-awareness_ss Life is showing you who you are and who you are not.

Your life is showing you where you are conscious, or it’s showing you where you are unconscious. It’s showing you where you are still in fear, and running programs and circuits that are fear-based, based in survival, or your life is showing you where you are in love and being able to meet life as presence. 

Life is very binary. This whole life thing, in the experience of this whole life, isn’t really that complicated at all. The key is to recognize that life is showing you who you are and who you are not. The key is being willing to shine the light of your own awareness on yourself. When you turn the lens of your awareness on yourself, you are beginning your journey of empowerment. As long as you continue to blame people, places, situations, circumstances and things for your internal state of being, you are a victim.    

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Confronting an Abusive Parent

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A woman wrote, asking:

“I am trying to connect with my family of origin. I’ve been working on my recovery for a bit over a year (ACA & Coda steps). I’d like to have a healthy relationship, with boundaries, of course, with my untreated family. But I can’t seem to have a relationship with my mother yet as I’m still processing my feelings from her abuse. I also feel that I need to confront her (when ready) to let her know my truth instead of ‘pretending’ that things are fine between us. This has been a DIFFICULT journey for me that affected my life. Though I know my mother can’t give me what I would like, I wonder if confronting her eventually would help ME with my relationship with her. I know some people don’t agree with confronting. I’m torn about this. I want to eventually have forgiveness for my mother, but I’m not there yet.”

 

The question you need to ask yourself is, “What do I hope to gain by confronting my a abusive mother or father?”

Here are some possible answers:

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150 Hits

Healing the Lack of Loving Holding and Touch

multiethnic-female-friends-sitting-on-meadow-sadness-pain-picture-id1194267017 There are two ways to heal the lack of touch – with another person, and within yourself.

Were you deprived of comforting holding as a child? I was. I was held by my mother, but the energy of her touch was so needy and engulfing that I hated being held or touched by her.

Babies and toddlers especially need warm, tender, caring, comforting holding and touch to know they are loved and to help them learn to regulate their feelings. Without this loving physical nurturing, they feel deeply rejected and abandoned.

How can we heal this yearning for the nurturing loving touch that we might have missed out on?

Brandon asks:

“When I try to get in touch with my anger, the thought comes up “my mother.” I think I didn’t get touched, cuddled, and caressed as a child. Here I get stuck! I draw a blank. I don’t know what the next step of the Inner Bonding process is.”

There are two ways to heal the lack of touch – with another person, and within yourself.

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175 Hits

Transform Ill Will

touch-someones-life-with-kindness-picture-id599898694 Good will cultivates wholesome qualities in you

Do you bear a grudge?

The Practice:
Transform Ill Will.

Why?

Goodwill and ill will are about intention: the will is for good or ill. These intentions are expressed through action and inaction, word and deed, and-especially-thoughts. How do you feel when you sense another person taking potshots at you in her mind? What does it feel like to take potshots of your own? Ill will plays a lot of mini-movies in the simulator, those little grumbling stories about other people. Remember: while the movie is running, your neurons are wiring together.

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198 Hits

You CAN Heal The Wounds of Abusive Parenting

childhood The outlook doesn’t have to be bleak for those of us who had abusive or neglectful parenting.

“There are clear links between an individual’s psychological coping strategies and his or her physiological coping strategies. Both are established in infancy and toddlerhood and tend to persist through life.” –Sue Gerhardt, “Why Love Matters,” p. 77

Sue Gerhardt paints quite a bleak picture of our chances of being whole and happy if we didn’t receive the love we needed as infants and toddlers. At the end of her excellent book, ‘Why Love Matters,’ she does say that people can heal with extensive and expensive psychotherapy. But what if you can’t afford expensive psychotherapy?

She states in her well-researched book that part of the brain – the part of the prefrontal cortex that is responsible for being able to manage and regulate very painful feelings – does not get developed when we have parents who were unable to lovingly regulate our feelings for us as infants and toddlers. Can this part of the brain develop in adulthood?

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300 Hits

The Secret to Letting Go of Every Fear

lettinggofear Turn fear into fearlessness

Are you afraid of some condition in your life? Here's a life-transforming secret: that seemingly scary condition, whatever it may be, is not the problem. It is your reaction that is fearful. This is why if you will become conscious of your condition instead of afraid of it, you will change forever your relationship with fear. 

It is only within this special kind of inner-relationship that there is real safety, because now you are interacting with fear in an entirely new way. You are no longer letting it dictate to you how to act or what to do. Instead, you are aware of the fear. You are learning to quietly observe and study it. And, each day, as you discover something new about the strange and shaky nature of your own fearful reactions, they begin to lose their power over you.

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335 Hits

Stand up to Bullies

violence-in-today-schools-picture-id1125699891 “When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou

Do you see a bully?

The Practice:
Stand up to bullies.

Why?

Humans are profoundly social. Woven through the tapestry of our relationships are several major threads. One of these is power. The only question is, do we use it for good or ill?

The abuse of power can be called many things, including intimidation, fraud, discrimination, and tyranny. I’ll use a term that’s down-to-earth: bullying.

Bullies are unfortunately common. Throughout history and right now today, from homes and schoolyards to the halls of power, they create a vast amount of human suffering. What can we do?

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165 Hits

Does Another’s Wounded Self Trigger Your Wounded Self?

this-relationship-is-not-working-for-me-anymore-picture-id1165046683 Stay centered and connected
Jenna was angry that she kept getting triggered into her wounded self when her husband, Seth, was in his wounded self.

“I work hard with my Inner Bonding process to get into a centered and connected place. I’ll be doing great and then out of nowhere Seth blames me for something and it all goes out the window. I get so upset at him for blaming me and then I feel off center and down for days. Maybe I shouldn’t be with him? Maybe my guidance is telling me that I’d be better off without him so I can stay in a good space?”

“No Jenna, that’s not what your guidance is telling you. While it’s hard for you to see this right now, Seth is providing you with a wonderful opportunity to learn to stay centered and connected, even in the face of his wounded self. Can you imagine being able to do this? Can you imagine how good you would feel to not disconnect from yourself just because he is disconnected?”

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116 Hits

Transforming Your Relationship with Anxiety

house-sparrow-sitting-with-a-tangle-of-barbed-wire-picture-id1212648346 Discovering an inner freedom in the midst of life

Strong anxiety frequently triggers fight-flight-freeze, our survival brain’s strategy for dealing with threats. This can become a trance that dominates our thoughts, feelings, behaviors, and deepest experience of who we are.

This talk explores how we get caught in this reactive trance, and ways of calming anxiety and radically shifting our way of relating to the experience of threat. The gift is discovering an inner freedom in the midst of life, and the capacity to respond to what arises with love-in-action.

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224 Hits

How to Avoid the Accumulation of Trauma

sad-girl-sitting-thoughtfully-at-the-street-picture-id485357448 Abusive relationships serve their purpose in your evolution

Trauma is the emotional wound that certain experiences can leave behind. As many of you know the effects of trauma can linger for years after the initial experience that caused it has been over.

It leaves behind Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, along with the tendency to project the pain of the experience on to our current situations. It essentially keeps us stuck in our past in a way that is negative and unproductive.

It thwarts our personal growth and can come in the way of the healthiness in our relationships. This includes both personal or business relationships.

It creates addiction and insurmountable substance abuse. The lives that trauma has claimed are countless.

There are different levels of trauma. Some of it is so violent and devastating that there’s really no human way possible to avoid accumulating it. i.e. creating it and storing it in your body on an emotional level. It is my experience that these traumas are able to be healed. It can take years of cellular, energetic clearing, depending on the person.

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158 Hits

Be the Light

Julie-Murphy-7-7-2020-blog The World Needs Light

There’s so much going on around us these days. Does it feel like we’re almost in this surreal experience? An out-of-body experience? I can only imagine what it’s like for those who are feeling all of this anger and sadness about what’s going on. As with most of us, it’s been a challenge for me to know the best way to navigate this time but there’s something I’m super clear on…


Anger Comes from Sadness

I learned from one of my teachers that anger is a deeper version of sadness, and that rage is a deeper version of anger… which is also sadness. I experienced a lot of anger and even rage as I was going through the last parts of my marriage, which  actually seems really small compared to what's going on today, but I think it can help us understand a little. 

I really learned that this anger and rage I was feeling was telling me something. It was revealing how sad I was. So if you’re feeling a deep sadness or you’re in a place of rage and anger and you’re super triggered… ask yourself, “Why am I sad?” Don’t simply live with anger and rage. Question yourself, “Why am I sad?”

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238 Hits

Do You Know When You’re NOT In the Abundance Code?

open-purse-with-coins-inside-closeup-as-a-sign-of-lack-of-money-picture-id1031299316 The flow of wealth and abundance in all good things rests in your hands

Scarcity is a low frequency code hidden deep in your unconscious. It’s fed by your fears and it blocks abundance from entering your life. 

This mindset is founded on the belief that if someone else wins, you have to lose. There is no room for the possibility that everyone can win.

The fear and judgement that comes with the perception of not having enough sets in motion a reaction that reaches every aspect of your life. It keeps you in constant fight or flight mode and effects you both at an unconscious and cellular level.

Scarcity affects you mentally, spiritually and physically and once it becomes your default code, it will literally cause you to write your own scarcity story.

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143 Hits

A Bigger Vision

female-having-a-glimpse-in-to-the-future-picture-id157332879 There’s not one area of our lives that has been unaffected by the events of 2020

Right now, life around is nowhere near what we imagined it would be. The amount of change we’ve all been asked (forced?!) to navigate is staggering. 

When we’ve been hit with as much as we have on a collective level, it’s easy for our minds to go to negative places, focusing on all that’s been taken from us. And the list is long! There’s not one area of our lives that has been unaffected by the events of 2020. I talk to many friends who are dealing with heavy feelings of grief, and some days I feel it too. It’s tempting to fall into the gap between what I desire and what exists. 

want to be on vacation… I am stuck at home. 

want to send the kids back to school… I am homeschooling 6 hours a day in addition to handling my full-time job. 

want my friends and family to be happy and healthy… I am dealing with health issues and strained relationships. 

want a world of equality and justice… I am seeing the places where that’s not the truth. 

Whew! It’s exhausting to try to hold the disparities in our minds and hearts, and it can make you question your role as a co-creator of your experience. (I don’t know about you, but a pandemic, racial strife, and a worldwide economic meltdown weren’t on my 2020 requested playlist, or vision board).

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134 Hits

4 Things Holding You Back From Greatness

beautiful-woman-relaxing-with-hands-behind-head-and-closed-eyes-picture-id470314674 To grow and achieve greater success, you have to risk something.

Fear is the single biggest thing that holds people back from achieving their goals and dreams. It’s one of most common reasons why people procrastinate on taking action toward their goals.

We fear failure, loss or rejection. We feel fear of being embarrassed, of being disappointed of getting hurt, or fear angering other people. So we play it safe and avoid taking risks or trying new things.

That’s why today, I want to discuss how you can overcome those fears that are holding you back from greatness.


Where Does Fear Come From?

Fear is natural. It comes from us – from our own minds and imagination.

It’s important to remember that, as humans, we’ve evolved to the stage where almost all of our fears holding us back are now self-created.

We scare ourselves by imagining negative things are going to happen in the future. But just because we imagine these things happening, that doesn’t mean they WILL happen, or that they will be as painful as we think.

F.E.A.R.

That’s why psychologists like to say that fear stands for ‘Fantasized Experiences Appearing Real.’ Because fear is all about what we think or imagine MIGHT happen – not what WILL happen.

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283 Hits

Transmuting Fear

sun-shining-over-the-earth-from-space-picture-id1152439371 Love is the only answer.

You’ve heard that before. Love is the only answer. It is the answer.

So today what we’re really going to talk about is love. Fear is the focus so many people have had lately … it is the fear of _____  … and then just fill in the blank of whatever the fear has been.

But what I want to talk about is Love.

Yes, the energy of the world is swirling in the fear, and the anger, and the overwhelm, and the lack of knowing what to choose, and what to do, and what not to do, and the judgment, and the criticism.

Have you seen any of that at all, by chance?

The reality of it is that, yes, there are a lot of people that are in that place … and that is a really unhealthy place to be because it just perpetuates the negativity. It just perpetuates the fear. It just perpetuates the anger, the judgment, the criticism. And what we know about judgment and criticism and anger and pain and hate, and all those things, is that if you are projecting it outward, there’s something inward. There’s something that you are avoiding, don’t like, are angry with, are judgmental, or critical of within yourself. And we look to other people and we put the blame on them. It isn’t always the same thing, but there’s a lot of projecting that’s happening.

And now more than ever we need to re-visit what we are DOING to shift that.

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175 Hits

Triggers: Acting Out or Acting In

daytime-thunderstorm-picture-id165823307 Triggers: Acting Out or Acting In

Most of us have at one time or another been ‘triggered.’ A trigger is an event, situation or interaction with a person or group of people that activates the fight, flight or freeze stress response. A trigger is usually related to a past event, interaction or situation that was very painful or traumatic

One of the eventual results of practicing Inner Bonding is that, over time, we develop a strong loving adult self – capable of being aware of when we are triggered, rather than acting unconsciously in response to a trigger. Our consciousness of when we are triggered gives us the choice to act in rather than act out.

 

Acting Out

When we act out in response to a trigger, we do what we naturally do when the stress response is activated: we get angry, blaming, agitated, impatient, annoyed or irritated, or we shut down, withdraw, numb out, go away or disassociate. These are the natural actions of the wounded self during a threat to survival.

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162 Hits

The Four Ways To Dealing With Regret In Your Life

The Four Ways To Dealing With Regret In Your Life The Four Ways To Dealing With Regret In Your Life
“Your past does not have to determine your future. Forgive yourself and set yourself free.”

As human beings, we can feel judged by others, especially by ourselves, for the "bad decisions" we made in the past. Ultimately, regret is a waste of time. Listen to this episode to learn the 4 keys to getting out of the mental loop of feeling tormented by your past mistakes, and being able to face your reality with a new perspective that helps you evolve and accept yourself as is and live more authentically as you.

Tips to living in your natural state of peace

relaxed-woman-in-the-park-blowing-dandelion-picture-id534192686 Tips to living in your natural state of peace

To be in a state of peace we need to be in harmony with the energy frequency of peace.” ~Codebreaker

Peace is your natural state. However, we are all experiencing stress and frustration in these challenging times.

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610 Hits

Can You Keep On Loving?

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If you believe that love is humanity’s greatest hope and clearest path to a more compassionate inclusive planet, how are you feeling right now? When people seem to be hating one another with greater intensity. When rage and violent outbursts are becoming more common. Those who wear masks vs. those who refuse to; those who believe Black Lives Matter vs. those who deny it. Science vs. religion, Democrats vs. Republicans, health and safety vs. economic “recovery.” Individuals of different races, ages, nationalities, and belief systems fighting over statues and guns and face coverings. Where does unconditional love and kindness come into play in the midst of all this? Can we love our neighbor if our neighbor hates us?

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272 Hits

Tips for Overcoming Fear That You Create

woman-walking-through-a-dark-tunnel-picture-id1177433024 Tips for Overcoming Fear That You Create

Fear is the single biggest thing that holds us back. Overcoming fear is an essential step in achieving our goals and dreams.

“Do the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.”  – Ralph Waldo Emerson

It’s one of most common reasons people procrastinate on taking action toward their goals. We fear failure, or rejection, or being embarrassed, or disappointing or angering other people, or getting hurt.

So we play it safe and avoid taking risks or trying new things. That’s why today, I’m going to provide you tips and strategies for overcoming fear and overcoming negative thoughts with ease.

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332 Hits