My fresh start to 2018- My journey from forgiveness to freedom

Jasmina-Desai-My-fresh-start-to-2018
I started my new year with the commitment to forgive everyone in my life and drop all the "baggage" that I have carried for all my life. As January 1st was a full moon day, I decided to do a full moon forgiveness meditation as per my spiritual teacher's teachings. My intention resulted in many emotional roller coaster rides throughout the day complete with numerous instances of being triggered. I was very angry and impatient with my son for not getting ready on time, and then later on, I was angry and resentful at myself for my behavior. That evening, in presence of the beautiful full moon I started my full moon forgiveness meditation with four mantras to help me with my intention.

1.     I love myself and everyone unconditionally.

2.     I accept myself just the way I am and I accept everyone just the way they are.

3.     I forgive myself and everyone easily.

4.     I am grateful for myself and everyone's contributions in my life.

The next morning, I woke up again to the beautiful full moon –the first sight from my bedroom window. I felt that this was the sign that my forgiveness meditation was successful and I had dropped all my baggage.


On my drive to work, I was guided coincidently to listen to Panache Desai's Grace online immersion about forgiveness. According to Panache, there is nothing to forgive, because everything is unfolding in Divine order. Instead of forgiving, it is important to feel everything that is arising and respond, instead of react. It is not about forgiving others, but forgiving ourselves for our immature and unconscious reactions to others in the past. All we need to do is to meet ourselves with compassion, as we did the best we could with the awareness we had at that time.


My journey of forgiving others had now turned into self-forgiveness and self-compassion. That day, my heart felt so open, sensitive and vulnerable at work. I decided to stay open and be willing to feel everything. The next morning, I woke up feeling very sick, as if I was clearing lots of density. I stayed home and rested all day. In the evening, I came across my friend's post on Facebook and I judged myself as unsuccessful and a loser, as I was comparing my achievements to hers. By becoming conscious and aware, I used my mantras to send unconditional love, acceptance, forgiveness and gratitude to my judgmental self. Then I came across a quote from Lewis B. Smedes "To forgive is to set the prisoner free and discover that the prisoner is you" At that moment, I realized my journey of forgiving others had turned into a journey to wholeness and freedom.

In an interaction with my boss the next day, fear and guilt kicked in and I had to send love and acceptance to those parts of me. And while in yoga class, the old habit of judging and critiquing my physical body became obvious. So during meditation my intention was to send love, acceptance and gratitude to my physical body.

The following evening I was led to go to a lecture at my yoga studio. To my surprise, it was about patience and forgiveness. We were taught that by developing patience you will naturally choose to act instead of react. We were also advised to look at ourselves in a mirror every morning and before going to bed and say Ho'oponopono, which is an ancient Hawaiian practice of forgiveness using mantra "I am sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you". After this experience, I felt the universe was helping me with my forgiveness project.

For next few days, I had to forgive and accept parts of me that were mistrustful, shameful, angry, sad, impatient, anxious and fearful. It was a very difficult process to accept parts of me that I was not proud of.

After that, I was led to a meditation and lecture session held by a local Buddhist monk. The essence of his teaching was that every person is universe. If everyone takes care of themselves and chooses to create loving kindness, self-compassion, contentment and peace within themselves, they are actually creating a peaceful world.

My journey towards self-forgiveness, self-compassion, contentment, peace, wholeness and ultimately freedom still continues. I realized that, the people and the things I viewed as baggage in my life were actually blessings. My journey to forgiving others had led me to this beautiful journey to myself which is full of magical coincidences.

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