Feeling Anxious? Find Where You Belong…

I’ve been thinking quite a bit lately about belonging. It’s not something I recall thinking about much when I was a child. At that time, I knew where I belonged, and who I belonged to. (Although I must say, there were times I wondered how I ended up in the family that I did, haha.)

But, I think there comes a time in one’s life — perhaps it’s when your parents die, or your kids grow up and leave, or your marital status changes, or your job ends— when you wonder to yourself, “Where do I belong? Who do I belong to, if anyone? Do I belong here? Do I belong at all?”

I believe that having a sense of belonging is critical to your emotional, spiritual, mental and physical health. Belonging is grounding. It’s reassuring. It’s calming. It gives your life a foundation.

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Choose U!

Have you ever thought about what or who is driving your choices?

 

Week after week I hear stories about:

 

  • The people-pleaser who does everything for everyone else besides themselves

 

  • The baby-boomer who puts their life and dreams of traveling more on hold to stay in close proximity and take care of their aging parents

 

  • The sibling that not only financially supports their own family but also feels compelled to pick up the check when they go out with their family or give money to their brother or sister who has fallen on hard times

 

  • The millennial who is trying to make their parents proud

 

  • The partner who is working around the clock because their significant other has certain materialistic expectations and desires

 

  • The creature of habit who lives on autopilot, doing the same or slightly different versions of the same thing that they did last month, year, or decade

 

  • The person born into a certain religion or culture who feels obligated to live in accordance with expected rules or norms, even if those values are not in alignment with their truth and desires

 

Although the specifics may vary, the common thread that runs through all of their stories is that they are letting others or their tendency to live on automatic pilot dictate their life. They are being driven not by what is in their hearts or in their highest. Instead, they are running around like the proverbial gerbil on the wheel, putting others, organizations, and societal expectations in front of themselves. And as Lily Tomlin famously said,

 

“The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you are still a rat.”

 

Making choices based on the expectations of others or placing the needs of others over ourselves is a setup for disappointment and exhaustion. Even if you accomplish all the things that you set out to do, the accomplishments will eventually feel empty. Why? Because they aren’t being sourced by your dreams, your desires, your truth, and your wants and needs.

 

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© Affiliate link entered for Every Choice Matters program

The Writing Nook – Finding Connection as a Writer

I truly believe that writing can heal our hearts … Even if you never share your writing, the release of the energy and emotion within your body can be truly life saving. So, for those of you that are interested in sharing your story in a bigger way, this blog, The Writing Nook, is for you. And, for those of you that just want to heal and release your story, this blog is for you too … For those of you that don’t know if writing is for you or not, I’m sure you’ll find something in here to resonate with as well. Enjoy … and please … I’d love to hear what your thoughts are in the comments below. Can you relate? Let us know what you think – Blessings SDJ♥

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Manifest Miracles Turbo Style!

PLAY THE THREE MINUTE MIRACLE GAME

I’m ridiculously content this morning because I did this game that I hope you’ll muster the courage to do out loud with me. I call it The Three Minute Miracle Game and I can tell you it works for me every time.

Let me ask you something. Do you notice that it can be really difficult to own your desires, really get that you are worthy of them, that when you look into the outer conditions of your life (or watch the bad news reminding you to be freaked out) you think that is what your future holds?

We all get hypnotized by it and let’s face it, how many of you, myself included were taught that you had to dim your light to belong, tone it down, that you had to fit into a skinny box, a young box, a religious box, an “x” box that now you have to really guess to figure out (omg I don’t know what box I need GARF!!) – to be happy, or just to belong etc.

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The ONE Key To Dealing With Worrying About What Others Think

Do you ever find yourself worrying about what other people think?

How often have you allowed that worry to stop you from doing something that you might love?

It's natural. It's actually part of being a human being and our need for connection and belonging.

Here's the truth when it comes to what others think…
 
We could be Mother Teresa incarnate and someone, because of their own stories or insecurities, may think or feel in a way that is judgmental or critical. We have no control over those thoughts. We truly don't.

And while we know this on a logical level it still doesn't always keep us out of that place of worry. The good news is this; we don't have to stay in that place of worry for too long.

With that said, here's a thought that I use to reduce the shelf life of worrying about what others think.

I remind myself that there's a good possibility that others aren't spending as much time thinking about me or what I'm doing as I might think they are. And that's because they're probably too busy worrying about their own stuff and what other people think of them.

BUT and this is a BIG HUGE BUT; in the event they're thinking about what we do or who we are, let's give them something really good (and I mean really good) to think about!


WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO GIVE THEM SOMETHING GOOD TO THINK ABOUT?
The best way for me to explain is to share a recent experience I had during one of the coolest astrological readings I've ever had.
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Youth-ing Ourselves

From the perspective of “new-edge” science, the character of an individual’s aging is primarily a reflection of their subconscious beliefs and not their genetic history. As discussed in The Biology of Belief, the EEG activity of the brain through the first six years of life reveals that a child’s mind is primarily engaged in a hypnotic trance. Consequently, whatever the child experiences or learns during this critical period of development is directly downloaded into the sub- conscious mind.

These acquired developmental perceptions represent the fundamental beliefs that essentially control the biology of an individual for the rest of his or her life. This conclusion is supported by recent medical studies revealing that the propensity of experiencing a disease in adulthood is determined by environmental influences during the periconceptual, fetal, and infant stages of life.

 

What is the importance of investing in family?

Over time we have ended up with a lot of confusion in ourselves about our roles in relationship to our families.


So why would you invest in the family?


You would invest in the family because you understand that part of your incarnation and part of being in the way of things is to find your function within family. Now it doesn’t mean lockstep, it doesn’t mean that every mother is the same mother or every father is the same father. You have to hear your unique way through, but unique doesn’t necessarily just mean personality desire. What is appropriate in view of my skills, opportunities, needs of the family, economics, political situation, and so on?

When you’re poor, and a family of six is living in one room, it’s a very different set of roles and demands than if you’re living in a situation where everybody has their own room they can go in and lock the door. It’s hard to face, because we think we won that affluence which has given us the privacy to have our own rooms, but it’s really a mixed bag. It’s given us the privacy to become very isolated and cut off from each other and very private and very secretive and very ashamed and very embarrassed and very uncomfortable, with a whole lot of stuff to carry around with us.

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Stand Up to Bullies

Is anyone being pushed around?


The Practice:

Stand up to bullies.


Why?


Humans are the most social species on the planet. Most of us spend most of our lives working, eating, sleeping, and playing in groups that range in size from two people all the way up to nations and humanity as a whole.

Woven through the tapestry of our relationships are several major threads. One of these is power, which plays out in almost every group of any size. The only question is, do we use it for good or ill?

Like a hammer, power itself is neutral. It can be used justly and wisely for beneficial purposes, such as the necessary authority of a loving parent, a child’s popular friend protecting her from mean kids, a physically stronger spouse helping a more vulnerable one, or a government defending a country being invaded. Power can also be used unjustly and unwisely for harmful purposes, such as a parent beating a child, a big kid picking on a little one, domestic violence, or a government jailing its critics.

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7 Ways to Painlessly Discuss Finances – Part Two

In Part One of this article, I talked about some of the very real, and very serious, problems that I had when it came to talking about money in my own relationship. I also gave you the ground rules that my husband and I agreed to use so that we could talk start about money in a transparent, non-judgmental, and open environment.


Here in Part Two, I’d like to tell you about seven techniques that you can use in your own relationship to talk about money, financial goals, spending, and saving for that rainy day in a peaceful, loving, and productive way.

 

Action Step 1: Start with What’s Working

Start with an easy discussion about what is currently working in your financial life – individually and together. Strive to find the common ground. Most financial discussions come about when something isn’t working, and that turns into blaming and arguing. So start with something positive. Ask your partner what they feel is important financially. By gaining a better perspective on their values, you not only gain a more intimate understanding of who they are, but you can honor those values when you communicate. These may not be the same values that you have – it’s important to realize that that’s okay! So long as you are both heard, respected, and validated, acceptance doesn’t have to equal agreement, but it does help you approach the conversation with deeper compassion and unconditional love. The main objective here is re-learning how to communicate with your partner by realizing that you’re on the same team. This involves some letting-go of control and ego – and believe me, that’s always a good thing!


Action Step 2: Become an Assertive Communicator

Seek to become an assertive communicator. Share your thoughts and feelings respectfully, and listen to your partner with the same respect. As I’ve pointed out before, you don’t have to agree on everything. But you both need to feel heard and validated. It’s one of the best ways to build an intimate bond of trust.


And speaking of trust – a word here about lying about money and secret spending. If this is you, you already know it. And intuitively, you know that it needs to stop. You will relieve yourself of so much guilt if you reveal your secrets and simply move forward into a new mode of thinking and a new goal of acting financially responsible. And if you have a spending problem, an addiction to buying – please get help, my friend. It is a real disease, and you are not at fault.


Action Step 3: Foster Healthy, Positive Financial Communication

Money issues have to be solved if you’re going to have a happy and balanced relationship. Solving those issues means talking about them in detail, and letting go of ego and judgment while you’re in that space (and hopefully, in your entire relationship).


Action Step 4: Focus on Forward Progress

It can be very, very easy to feel defensive and attacked when we discuss spending and finances. Know that this comes more from inside you (internal guilt) than it does from outside of you (your other). Temper your reactivity, and at a separate time when you are alone, examine it to find its roots. That’s a subject for a different post!

7 Ways to Talk to About Money Painlessly Part Two

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Small Things With Great Love

Mother Teresa said, “We cannot do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” In my experience, the smallest things require the greatest love. The smallest things we do are the intimate and personal choices we make each moment before we act. These choices are always between the intention of love and the intention of fear – between gratitudecaring, and patience, among others, and anger, jealousy, righteousness, among others.

These choices appear to us as as the smallest of small things, as interior experiences that we alone can enter and alter. Yet with our choices of love or fear we create the consequences of our lives and the contributions we make to the world. These choices are the origins of all things, great and small, they alone animate the one who chooses. You are the one who chooses.

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Predictions: Can You Change The Outcome?

The most popular blog I’ve written in the past 10 years is on the subject of predictions. Given that everyone needs some empowering things to think about, I revisited the article and gave it a polish for you to enjoy this week.

Over the past 30 years, I think the most asked questions of me are from people asking for my thoughts on predictions they’ve been given by different psychics and intuitives. Some of the common questions are: What do you do if you get a negative prediction? Are predictions absolute or can you change them? Why hasn’t a particular prediction come true yet?

At this juncture, I’m going to mention that for the first 20 years of my professional life the concept of prediction was very important. It was, as an intuitive, my job to look into the realm of possibility and pull out a probable future. After all, it’s part of my skill set and I had a very high level of accuracy which helped build a solid reputation by word of mouth. Today I am not a fan of predictions, for the main reason that the minute we ask to see the future as an absolute – a place we land that promises us an outcome, we give our power away, and take ourselves out of the grounded moment where we have the power to co-create reality in partnership with the universe.

Why did I change my perspective on this subject? Things began to change as I personally explored the notion of absolute determinism vs free will. I started asking the hard questions. Why is it easy to see the future so clearly and at other times see multiple possibilities? Is it ethical to predict the future? What happens to someone when they hear a prediction that keeps them mired in a compulsive relationship pattern? Isn’t it better to track potentials and probabilities where there is room for course correction?

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Just My Luck | Soul Inspirations 269

Have you ever noticed how some people seem to have all the luck and good fortune? If so, have you wondered if there’s some secret or magic formula? If only this was true!

Let me enlighten you with the real truth. The force that works through your soul, that determines what’s possible or impossible, the difference between success over failure, and above all who we are—is the power of your belief.

I full appreciate that some people believe in a higher power than themselves, just as there are some who believe in love and abundance, while others sadly believe they’re alone and believe they are only just meant to survive. Equally, there are some who just walk aimlessly upon this planet, accepting whatever comes their way, with no real sense of purpose or without question. Let me stress …  it’s not about luck. It’s about how and why you attract such conditions in your life.

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One Go-to Mantra That Truly Works Wonders

Like many, I take my yoga practice off the mat. I study life in search of greater wisdom and truth. Some people show me what I need to work on and others set an example of where I would like to be in my personal development.


The store I currently work part-time for recently got a new manager. This lady started managing after a long line of her predecessors quit, due to the incredible amount of pressure the job put on them. Every time I work with her she seems to be in great spirits, always smiling and joking.


While I have a great number of skills that will help me to find inner peace, she seemed to have a much greater grasp on it. I often times wondered how she so easily maintained a positive mindset knowing how much work she was responsible for.


It was easy to understand why the others seemed constantly frazzled and stressed. The way this particular business is structured keeps everyone in the fear of losing their jobs and with that their livelihood.
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10 Books that Will Spark Your Desire for Sacred Travel

Pilgrimage has long been a topic explored by writers from around the world, from historians to novelists and from poets to travel writers. These writers all explored the figure of the pilgrim, providing insight into the art of pilgrimage and what it means to travel.


We’ve put together a list of 10 books are a great example of this. Despite being from radically different genres, they all discuss pilgrimage in one way or another and will spark your desire to embark on your own sacred journey.



10. On the Road

Jack Kerouac’s classic coming-of-age novel is truly an ode to the young pilgrim. The novel, which was first published in 1957, follows the adventures of Dean Moriarty and Sal Paradise, two young men who crash with artists and poets as they make their way through America on a shoe-string budget.

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7 Ways to Painlessly Discuss Finances – Part One

Right from the start of our relationship, any discussion around money created antagonistic gridlock all the way to disproportionate chaos and conflict for my husband and me. At that time, I was turning 50 and had amassed very strong and wildly illogical beliefs around finances. Just hearing the word “money” or “bills” would cause me to emotionally and physically shut down. I would pick fights with him about his work ethic and earning capacity. I would battle over whose money it was and who could spend it. I would point fingers at what I believed to be ridiculous spending habits. And then on those ominous days when bills had to be paid, I would morph into a screaming, crazy woman.

In retrospect, I can tell you these arguments were completely irrational. We were both working hard and making ends meet. Whenever I checked the online banking statements, the money was there. But I never felt abundant. I truly believed that I would die alone and penniless. (The alone outcome scared me far less than being penniless.) It was a story to which I was so attached that through the force of my energy I was bending our reality to almost insure that our finances were a house of cards ready to collapse at any moment. And my staunch unwillingness to meet my husband in a place of mutual respect where we could talk about these deep values was eating away at our intimacy.

You see, when couples fight about money, their respective positions deeply reflect their core values. And as time goes on, this polarization becomes caustic and like a strong acid, it eats away at the very foundation of the relationship. The unwillingness to appreciate and sympathetically discuss your conflicting attitudes and beliefs eventually creates all kinds of misunderstandings and hurt feelings. If the arguing persists, one day you will find yourself believing that you’re better off alone than constantly fighting over money.

It took time and introspection, but when I could finally articulate what money represented (safety, security, self-esteem, protection, and ultimately freedom and independence) which translated into me being a SAVER (or as he saw it, a miser); and he could identify all that it represented to him (feelings of competence, power, control, happiness and a celebration of hard work) which translated into him being a SPENDER (or as I saw it a spendthrift). we began to gain a greater appreciation for why we were so conflicted. That compassion and deeper understanding created the foundation for learning how to have the tough discussions in a mutually respectful manner and eventually building a strong financial future together.

Why Couples Have Problems Communicating About Finances

Our opinions and values regarding wealth, abundance, and worthiness almost always stem from our upbringing. That’s why so many couples have issues talking about money. Some of us had lots of direction growing up when it came to money management. And some of us watched our parents struggle with not having enough money to buy sufficient food or clothing. Then there are those who witnessed non-stop conflict between their parents over money, a constant source of strife, screaming and suffering. We bring these emotional artifacts of those experiences into our present attitudes about money.

As adults, we can choose to recognize those artifacts, and we can recognize what’s healthy and productive, and what’s not. We can courageously learn to replace those old artifacts with an increasingly positive mindset where wealth – and worthiness – are concerned. Opening ourselves up to our partner to reveal and release the negative while nurturing the positive is a wonderful experience.

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Why People Are Afraid to Truly Experience Inner Peace

Most people really like the concept of achieving inner peace. They enjoy imagining a life without as much stress and inner turmoil. When it comes right down to achieving this experience there are a few issues that get in the way.


True inner peace is not something you can conceptualize with your mind. Is not actually a mind process at all. To access and experience true inner peace you need to be able to drop out of thinking about anything. This is usually the part of the process where people get stuck.


Very simply put, people don't feel they can trust anything that they can't wrap their minds around. Unfortunately this includes inner peace. If there is a topic or an issue that someone feels they don't understand, they no longer feel in control of the situation. When they don't feel in control of the situation they don't feel safe.


When this happens there are usually two major issues involved. The first is that there's some sort of buildup of trauma that perpetually causes them not to feel safe outside of controlling the situation. This is probably the most common. In this case, it is possible to release the traumatic energetic blockages lying in a persons system using the technique of meditation. That is another article for another time.


The other possibility is that they are  caught up and narcissistic programming that will fundamentally stop them from doing anything they don't feel they're in control of. These cases are a little more rare.
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Claim Your Life!

This coming weekend, I have the extreme honor of leading The Shadow Process Workshop in Los Angeles. No matter how many of these workshops I have attended, participated in, or led over the years, I am always in awe of the shifts that people experience in the short time span of 2 ½ days. I am also so grateful to Debbie Ford for creating a process that continues to live on and transform the lives of so many.


On a personal level, I am always amazed that even after having experienced this process numerous times, I always take away so many insights and a-has! One of the most powerful concepts that emerged from one of our amazing workshops is that it is up to each of us to "claim our life!"


We all have heard the adage "You teach people how to treat you." Yet what many people might not realize is that it is often your unconscious mind, which is far more powerful than your conscious mind, which tells and teaches people how to treat you and how to interact with you. It is also your unconscious mind that is filled with shadows and shadow beliefs -- all of that internal dialogue that plays in your head and repeats disempowering statements like "I am not good enough." "No one will ever love me." "It is not safe to stand out and shine or be seen." Ultimately, it is your negative internal dialogue that is your inner teacher, instructing the world how to treat you!

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© Affiliate link entered for The Shadow Process.

The Power of Daydreaming!

Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of time thinking about advanced manifesting techniques and in the process remembered that some of the EASIEST manifesting comes from daydreaming….


When you are daydreaming, you are letting your imagination run wild, fantasizing about something that feels good, but without any strong attachment or need to “make it happen.” There is no “want” involved, just the sweetness of playing with your imagination.


Let me give you an example: For many years I have often had the thought, “Someday, I’d really like to visit Thailand.” I have never actively sought to make this happen, but when the thought arises, I close my eyes and imagine that I am visiting Thailand and having a fabulous time there. A few days ago my speaking agent called to tell me that I will soon be offered a speaking engagement in Thailand and I am now waiting to finalize the details.


How crazy is that? By indulging in daydreaming, I manifested something wonderful.

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Tips on Stress Relief for Highly Sensitive People

Some of us are overly sensitive. Mostly people will talk about themselves by saying, ‘I’m a very sensitive person’. But it is always in context to their own feelings.  They like to ignore the fact that they could be inflicting pain on every other person around, yet they carry this ‘injured’ air around them.

 

Special traits

Highly sensitive people emote on a very different level.  They have some special traits which are very different from the average person. It could also be considered as a positive thing but it has its drawbacks.

 

Highly sensitive

This is actually a trait which brings both strengths and challenges. Sometimes one is just easily offended by people who mean no harm or they could even be trying to be nice to you. Sometimes the reaction to everyday stressors is also extreme. You may be more affected by negative stressors than most people are.

 

Wild imagination

You like to believe that you are being bullied by people who mean no harm and then tend to become over emotionally aggressive. You are more deeply affected by others.  Try to manage your reactions, make it your strength rather than a challenge. 

 

Too intense

There are many things which can get overwhelming and need to be avoided such as:

 

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5 Journaling Tips for the Spiritual Traveller

Documenting a trip makes for a great keepsake, but it can also be a powerful tool for self reflection, turning any journey into a spiritual one. In this article we share 5 Journaling Tips for the Spiritual Traveller.

As best-selling author, filmmaker, and tour leader Phil Cousineau reminds us in his book to the Art of Pilgrimage, The Art of Travel: Journal, “by honoring our travel experiences through writing stories, poems, songs or creating sketches or other artwork, we can transform virtually all our travels, whether around the world or around our backyard, and make them more meaningful.”

In this blog we share 5 tips to make a meaning travel journal.

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