Does Your Heart Need Healing?

This past weekend I led The Shadow Process Workshop in Miami. In this workshop, as in so many of our other programs and workshops, there were people who were in pain because they:

  • Could not decide on the direction of their marriage

  • Were still struggling with hurt they’ve carried since childhood as a result of a critical, cruel, or absent parent

  • Were still carrying around the betrayal of a love that didn’t last


These people, our amazing workshop participants, were a mirror of the hurt that most of us are carrying around in our hearts as a result of some unhealed or unresolved relationships.

Although many people come into our lives with the best of intentions, whether through birth or happenstance, many relationships feel like they go from sacred to sour.

The fact is that every relationship is a sacred relationship -- especially our closest relationships. Think of what an honor it is to have someone open their heart to you or to be invited into someone’s home or even in this day and age to be included in a private group text. Any time we are being invited to be in relationship with someone it truly is a privilege and a profound responsibility.

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Love and Death

The other day we were at the home of Maria Menunous where I was taping her Sirius radio show (it will air next month and then be available on her podcast).

We were standing in her garden while two beautiful yellow and black butterflies flew in tandem, circling us for several minutes in a beautiful dance.

I really felt as if those butterflies were friends from the other side saying hello, reminding me they were nearby…. I believe they send us signs and find ways to remind us that they truly are always with us….

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Use Every Relationship to Uplift Your Life

The greatest, most abundant resource on planet Earth is also its least understood and utilized. Its unlimited supply is found virtually everywhere, anytime, and under all circumstances, even though few recognize its real value. What is this most precious collective resource? It is our relationships.

Consider these truths: It is within relationships that we grow as individuals in everything valuable, because it is through them that we become stronger and wiser, allowing us to realize a love that transcends our unseen self-limiting self-interests. Yet, even though we may acknowledge the existence of this path to self-perfection, the essential mystery of exactly how to use this endless resource remains obscured.

What do we have to do to change the balance sheet of our lives so that for every measure of impatience and intolerance there may be at least an equivalent sum of compassion and consideration? How do we learn to use our relationships with others to realize a new kind of relationship with ourselves where we are able to discover that who we really are is all we need to be?

Our willingness to work our way through the following twelve special practices -- to strive to use these higher ideals in our relationships with others -- will reward us with the Real Life our hearts longs for.



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Don't Squabble

You know you're squabbling when you find yourself getting irritated.

The Practice:
Don't squabble.

Why?

It's one thing to stick up for yourself and others. But it's a different matter to get caught up in wrangles, contentiousness, squabbles . . . in a word: quarrels.

Similarly, it's one thing to disagree with someone, even to the point of arguing—but it's a different matter to get so caught up in your position that you lose sight of the bigger picture, including your relationship with the other person. Then you're quarreling.

You know you're quarreling when you find yourself getting irritated, especially with that sticky feeling that you're just not gonna quit until you've won.

Quarrels happen both out in the open, between people, and inside the mind, like when you make a case in your head about another person or keep revisiting an argument to make your point more forcefully. We quarrel most with family and friends—imagine that! But also with people on TV, or politicians and groups we don't like. We can even quarrel with conditions in life (such as an illness or tight money) or with physical objects, like a sticky drawer slammed shut in anger.

However, they happen, quarrels are stressful, activating the ancient fight-or-flight machinery in your brain and body: a bit of this won't harm you, but a regular diet of quarreling is not good for your long-term physical and mental health.


Plus, it eats away like acid on a relationship. For example, I was in a serious relationship in my mid-twenties that was headed for marriage, but our regular quarrels finally so scorched the earth in our hearts that no love could grow there for each other.

This week, try not to quarrel with anyone or anything.

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Are You Really There?

I want to share with you the following special story of a dad’s love, in showing that he really is there for his son and family.

Just this week, I gave out two of my books that had ‘sand dollar’ connections. I was out enjoying the day in the beautiful town of Newburyport, MA and came upon an artist who was displaying her creative work using real sand dollars. She had jewelry, night lights, and colorful plaques. With each item there was a story of the sand dollar and how they relate to the five doves that visited the three kings on that special night in Bethlehem. I told her that they also had a special meaning to someone else I know. I told her the following story below and said it was in a book. She said: “Now that's a book I’d read!”

That day in Newburyport was also a day I decided to do what I've often done in the past, which was to leave my latest book : Bridging Two Realms – Learn to Communicate With Our Loved Ones On The Other-Side in a random place for someone to find. I trust that the right person will find it and it could be just when they need it. I didn't even have to leave it somewhere, as I felt the urge to give it away right then and there! I reached into my bag and gave this woman a book. She offered to pay me, but of course I refused the money. The book was meant for her!

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How To Love Your Body (Video)

Your body is beautiful just because you have a body.

No other reason needed.

It is a living work of art. A masterpiece and magical expression of the Divine.

But how often do we really appreciate and love our bodies?

We have been conditioned and brainwashed by the media to believe that “You are not enough as you are”.

This is a lie.

This creates so much shame, judgment, non-acceptance of our naturalness. We end up hating our bodies, disconnecting from it’s innate intelligence, and comparing ourselves to others.

We base our self-worth on being the perfect shape, weight, or size.

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Giving Yourself and Others Room to Grow

There is one essential ingredient missing in most of our relationships -- one that is definitely required if we wish to continue in our own development and help others to do the same. What is this powerful catalyst that only we can provide for each other? Room in which to grow.

We can help others reach higher by simply agreeing, consciously, to give them space to go through their changes even when these changes may challenge our sense of self and its well-being. As just one simple example of how to help in this way, we must each learn to keep ourselves quiet when the actions of someone close to us start to disturb us. Why is this new kind of self-silence so important for the growth of both parties involved?

To begin with, the disturbance that we feel in these moments is caused by a tremor in us. This is to say that our shaky sense of self is an effect of some picture we have held of this person as it hits the ground and shatters. Apart from our children, whom we must guide through their developing years, we need to learn to leave people alone with their decisions and corresponding actions. There is already a truth, a wisdom that supports this conscious course of action.

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What it Takes to Stay Married: Creating a Conscious Partnership

Are you one of those people who would rather be right than loved? Here’s the chance to choose differently.” –Jan Desai

I’m a statistic: twice divorced and almost ten years into my third marriage. If you’re a numbers person, the statistics are stacked against me.

In the U.S., fifty percent of first marriages end in divorce with 67 percent of second and 73 percent of third marriages ending in divorce.

It appears that happily ever after really doesn’t exist.

But this time around I’m committed to something different. I’ve learned a thing or two about navigating the bumpy roads of relationships and I wish to share my greatest discovery in ensuring that the statistics don’t get the best of me… or you!

It’s called conscious partnering.

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From Postpartum Depression to Mindful Self-Compassion

I have this memory from 1990 of feeling like my little baby and I were all alone in the universe. The love that I felt for him was heartbreaking. I could sit and watch him sleep for hours, waiting for his little cherub lip to quiver in his slumber. Everything else in my life felt too bright, too loud, too something… too raw. My body was a disaster, and my mind wasn’t too far behind. The only bright spot was the baby.

I had flashbacks of giving birth for months. It was terrifying and excruciating. They call it a precipitous delivery, when your cervix dilates from 4 to 10 centimeters in less than 10 minutes. His head was stuck behind my tailbone and they were pushing so hard on my back that it felt like it broke. The anesthesiologist wouldn’t give me an epidural because they didn’t have an IV running. She responded to my screams for drugs: “You’re not getting any drugs, honey; your baby is coming out now.” It felt like someone was cutting my body open with an axe and pulling out my organs — and that was a vaginal delivery!

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Don’t Give Up

The most important thing is to remember the most important thing.

The Practice: Don't Give Up.

Why?

Have you heard this saying?

The most important thing is to remember the most important thing.

What are the most important things to you? In your life as a whole? During a particular interaction with someone? Right this minute?

The most important things often get pushed to the sidelines. Urgent crowds out important. Modern life is full of distracting clamor, from text messages and emails to window displays in the mall. Other people tug at you with their priorities - which may not be your own. And it can feel scary to admit what really matters to you, tell others, and go after it for real: the fearful voices whisper in the back of the mind: What if you fail?

But if you don't make a sanctuary for what is important, it will get overrun by the bermuda grass of B and C priorities.

How?

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We all Share the Same Emotional Pool

Compassion for others starts with the understanding that every human being on the planet looks different from us – because physically we are different – but inwardly we all live in the same pool.

We all have pain and pleasure, we all share emotions that move in waves through that pool. People may live on the east bank of the pool so that the waves they know are different from the waves we know on the west bank, but if we look close enough, we can see that we share east bank waves in us as well.

Have you ever looked at someone and thought, "How could that person be like that?" and then by the grace of God, discovered that you had done the same thing before, only called it something different? This is a beautiful realization because it proves to you that it is intended for those of us who would have a higher life to use everyone's life for our own development.

We Help Others When We Don’t Take Part in Negativity

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The #1 Tool to Radically Shift Your Relationship!

“He/she never listens to me.”

“No matter what I do, it’s never good enough!”

“I can’t trust him/her to follow through.”

“What about my needs?”

 

On a daily basis, I hear stories from people about their relationships.

They are somewhere on the scale of feeling frustrated - fed-up - frozen - finished.

They are not sure if the relationship will make it or not and whether they truly want it to or not.

They question what is best for themselves, their partner, and their kids.

They have tried talking, therapy, and yelling, as well as silence and separate bedrooms.

As they share their stories about all of the things their partner is doing that causes them pain or drives them crazy, I let them get it out for a while before I jump in and ask,

“What if it’s not about them?
What if this is happening for you instead of to you?”
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Point of Contact

Shift your body, shift your mind and shift your heart to make room for a new point of contact. Create space for God’s love to land. Allow the miracles to flow sweetly to you, through you and all around you. 

 
My husband and I were standing next to the large raft that would be carrying us through the rapids of the White Salmon River. Our Guide, Mike was instructing us on how to achieve the most powerful Point of Contact between the oar and the river. I was immediately reminded of my thoughts during a hike the previous day. 

 
On the hike, I paused long enough to fully absorb the message I was receiving. We need to shift our thoughts and behaviors enough to create a space for God’s love to land. Space was created on the dirt path. God arrived, I listened.
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Enhance Your Life into perfect health

Stress can attack us at various levels, choosing to hassle us from various walks of life. Different aspects need handling differently, or we may say that stress relief will also come to us from many different directions.

There are so very many stress relief tools at our disposal, yet we need to understand our own inherent temperament and choose what suits us the best.

Stress is not only a mind game as we are taught to believe, but the body is equally involved. According to me ''Stress is actually an expression of our mind-body connection'' Whatever we think manifests itself as an expression through our body, in the form of illness or joyfulness. So in order to keep our mind-body connect in tandem and ourselves stress-free we need to find a simple strategy which will help us to Relax or de-stress our minds in such a way that we can reverse the body's stress response in order to avoid the negative effects of stress.
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The Love Potion Enhanced by Art & Music

Prolific artist/musician Sharron Katz has an inspiring soulmate manifestation story that I just had to share with you.

Now, at age 61, she is happily with her beloved, Mike, 66, and together they are sharing a juicy, creative, open, honest, musical and artistic life together.

But it almost didn’t happen.

After a 15-year marriage and a super bad divorce, Sharron had big doubts if she would ever find real love.

Thank God she trusted her intuition, and she was willing to do the deep work on herself and of course, followed The Soulmate Secret manifestation steps.

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Are Relationships Spiritual Lessons For Us?

Did you know that relationships are mirror images of your own life? Relationships are affected by what's going on in your life. It's all about how you feel and treat yourself, as well as how you react and respond to different situations and people that are around you.

All relationships (whether they’re on an emotional, physical, mental, or spiritual level) are all part of the learning process and should nurture and enlighten your soul. No matter what category a relationship falls into, it acts as a teaching tool for you to understand the lessons that your soul needs to learn at that time in your life. While you may not necessarily understand why you enter into a new relationship at the time, it can help you to understand, change, or enhance your individual qualities.

Do remember, that every relationship is an opportunity for soul growth. Different types of relationships have an uncanny way of showing you what you need to work on in your life. At times, they can reveal your vulnerabilities and insecurities, or your need for attention, approval, and acceptance. Equally, they can identify where you may be stuck in a rut, or even where you need love, peace, healing, or joy in your life.

Relationships of all kinds are really about you, even in the hardest situations. As I've said: “They’re meant to be mirrors for us, always reflecting back what we need to see. The question is: Do you want to look in this mirror, and be open to what you need to learn, or simply pretend it's not there and pass it by?”

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Do Not Put Yourself Or Others Out Of Your Heart

What is an open heart?

The Practice:
Put no one out of your heart.

Why?


We all know people who are, ah, . . . challenging. It could be a critical parent, a bossy supervisor, a relative who has you walking on eggshells, a nice but flaky friend, a co-worker who just doesn't like you, a partner who won't keep his or her agreements, or a politician you dislike. Right now I'm thinking of a neighbor who refused to pay his share of a fence between us.

As Jean-Paul Sartre put it: "Hell is other people."

Sure, that's overstated. But still, most of a person's hurts, disappointments, and irritations typically arise in reactions to other people.

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Speak With A Softer Tone

How do you talk to people?

The Practice:
Try a softer tone.

Why?

When our kids were little, I’d come home from work wanting some peace after the daily roller-coaster and often walk into a living room full of stuff—toy trucks, tennis shoes, bags of chips, etc. At the time, the arrangement my wife and I had was that I’d be primarily responsible for income and she’d be primarily responsible for taking care of the kids, including getting them to pick up after themselves. When we were both home, we divided the housework and child-rearing evenly.

Sometimes I’d get irritated about all the clutter, and the first words out of my mouth to my wife would be: “How come there’s all this mess?!” After a day chasing children, Jan would feel criticized and sputter back at me. Then there’d be a quarrel or a chilly silence. Not good.

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Are You 2 Degrees From Your Soulmate (or your next BIG dream)

Commerical airline pilot Lisa could easily be called an adventurous woman. In addition to flying jumbo jets, she has gone on many solo journeys from mountain trekking in Peru to dog sledding in Iceland.

A student of my seven-week online course (see more info www.soulmatepassion.com), Lisa was dedicated and did her feelingizations on a regular basis, wrote and released her wish list, sent me her “letter from the future,” and completed the other exercises and rituals.

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Principles for Perfecting Relationships

Have you ever been so upset, so disturbed by someone, that if you didn’t lash out at them, you were sure the whole world would come crashing down on you? When you and I get upset with someone, our attention is instantly glued onto the source of our irritation. All we do is think about the irritation we have and how it’s connected to what someone else has done.


When you’re upset with someone or something, you have no consciousness of yourself at all. You are only conscious of what you say he, she, or it is making you feel. You are
completely outwardly oriented in order to justify your inward agitation.


At the moment you see a person or an event as being responsible for this irritation, what you are actually seeing is your experience of the moment. So really what you’re experiencing isn’t the person, but the content of your own past experience in its narrow confines.

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30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

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