How to Really Be Yourself

If you think about being yourself, what does that mean? If asked, "Do you like being who you are?" not everyone would say yes--some people dislike themselves. This can be the product of low self-esteem or perhaps a deep sense of guilt. Liking yourself doesn't have to occur all the time, however. There are times when you behave in ways you aren't proud of and say things you wish you could take back. Yet being yourself is more mysterious than like or dislike.


To be yourself, you have to know who you are. "I" isn't simple and in many ways is very elusive. A two-year-old writing on the walls with crayon is being herself, and so is a middle-school bully tormenting a classmate on social media. Running wild, acting on your worst impulses, and flouting all the normal rules are behaviors worth suppressing. But if you are candid about yourself, such impulses exist inside you.


If you take a look at how your mind operates, you'll quickly realize that many agendas compete for your attention. In certain situations you call upon a wide range of emotions that want to be expressed. You act differently at work than at home. Habit, memory, and old conditioning compete over your attention. these agendas have their own claims, and there has to be a decision-maker and overseer who chooses which persona to adopt, which feelings to suppress, which behavior is appropriate at any given moment.

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What is the difference between knowing and being?

When you walk down the street you see other beings who are doing things, who are thinking things, who are wearing things, who are older or younger, who have personal lives. You see all the individual differences, but you also see them as packaging which holds that being.


This is a 1931 body and it’s decaying at a certain rate. It’s inevitable. I mean, I may prolong it or slow it down, but it’s inevitable. The personality of this being has a lot of residual little neuroses hanging around in it. It’s also charming, it’s delightful, it’s warm, it’s intelligent, it’s a personality, and those are my vehicles for being here on Earth.


It’s like a space suit, when you see those guys on the moon, and they’re encased in these suits. Those suits allow them to be in that particular element, and so we are in an element which requires that we be sheathed in a body and a personality.


Notice what I’m doing. I’m suggesting that we are not an identity with our personalities or our bodies, we are something more than that, and the predicament we face in recognizing this part of ourselves is that it isn’t ‘see-able’ with our eyes, isn’t ‘tasteable’ with our tongues… isn’t recognizable by any of our external senses.


So do we take this whole part of ourselves and assume it isn’t real?

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Trusting Who We Are (audio)

The sign of spiritual freedom is a deep trust in our essential nature, and in the light of awareness that lives through all beings.  This talk explores the conditioning that entraps us in a trance of separation and believing in a limited self.  We then explore the evolutionary shift in identity that is possible as we deepen our attention and presence to the life that is here, and the loving awareness that is the source of existence.

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Find Your Ground

What can you do when you're shaken?

The Practice:
Find your ground.

Why?

I've been to New Zealand, and really respect and like it. There's a Maori term - turangawaewae (link is external), "a place to stand" - that I've come back to many times.

I'm sure I don't know the full meaning of the word in its cultural context. But at a basic level, it's clear that we all need a place to stand. A physical place to be sure - hearth and home, land and sea, a bed to curl up in - but also psychological or spiritual places, such as feeling loved, a calm clear center inside, knowledge of the facts, compassion and ethics, and realistic plans.

This is our ground, the place we rest in and move out from . . . even under the best of circumstances. And when you're shaken by events at any scale - from changes in your health to changes in your country or world (here's a recent post you may find relevant: Take Heart (link is external)) - then it's especially important to find and hold your ground.


How?

Start with the body, and the feeling of being here. The sensations of breathing . . . heart beating . . . going on living . . . feet on the floor, back against a chair. Whatever is true now can never be taken from you.

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Will Your Relationships with Others Create Unity or Isolation?

Our relationships with each other can be vehicles for our unity and they can be vehicles for our entrapment.


They can be vehicles for bringing us more into the universe, into the moment, into the flow of things, or they can be vehicles for isolating us more into our separateness. In my relationship with you, who I think I am affects who I see you to be.


Say I’m driving down the street and I’m in a rush to get to an appointment I’m a little late for. There’s a car in front of me that is slowing down at a corner unnecessarily. I experience anger at the person that’s driving. I swerve to go by the car with anger in my heart and I look and I see that it is an older, confused looking man who is lost, and then I feel guilt. My attachment to getting to my appointment made me see that person as an obstacle.

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Finding Our Way

Recently I was walking through fresh snow with a friend. As we avoided the dog mushing teams, we shared ideas of spiritual growth, mediumship and law of attraction. We discussed how awareness allows a different feeling to take place in our everyday life. Our interactions with the world have changed.


Certainly for me I have experienced times where I wanted nothing more than the moment at hand. When I was younger these experiences usually occurred in nature or with animals. Now I know connection is always near. I often experience time at a standstill where I am able to remember our vast, limitless energetic connection. I have discovered that as we experience life with less reaction; we move easily to the place of peace, abundance and flow.


If we are reacting to a situation, we are decreasing our connection to the abundant flow of life. As we connect to an event or belief we are shutting down other possibilities. We are only putting intention on our limiting desired outcome. If we are desperate for a particular outcome; we likely want to have some control over the situation. As we put our energy into controlling life, we shut down our ability to receive the energy that allows us to experience the abundance of life.

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How do we remain mindful within our anger and righteousness?

So it turns out there’s no rule book to take with you in life that says, “When I get into this condition, do this.” My rule is actually really simple, I continually work to quiet my mind, to stay mindful.

I continue to work to soften my heart, to stay ‘heartfelt.’ I work as well as I can to keep the energies moving in my system. I mean this is energy. I am constantly opening and watching and listening and tuning. I am listening my way into the universe. I am hearing my way, not listening actually.

You can feel that when you really listen, you almost start to dissolve into the other person’s storyline. You can feel that when you really listen, you tune your way into the universe, and when the fear arises, you sit with it. I sit with it and I don’t push it away. I don’t grab at it. A know what my limits are, and I often say, “I can’t handle that one just yet,” and I don’t end up feeling guilty about it.

I stopped holding myself to a standard of where I should be as a means of beating myself up when I’m not there.

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One Small Change Can Bring Massive Peace

The biggest struggle for most people is dealing with the incessant stream of unwanted thoughts in the mind. That goes for any time you try to relax or meditate or simply try to sleep. These thoughts drive you crazy and make you think they are crazy. You resist these thoughts, think they are wrong and try to remove them - or at least fight with them.


The one small change that will produce massive results is to accept your thoughts.


Here’s why:

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Beyond Mindfulness

As you may know, I write a lot about mindfulness – mainly to end your resistance to life and end your suffering. What you are about to read is possibly the most important teaching for your enlightenment. And I am not going to suggest you practice mindfulness. I am going to suggest you go beyond mindfulness.

Most of us spend our time identified with our body mind and emotions. We literally think we are our body, our thoughts and our feelings. Of course this is not the ultimate truth. We are Consciousness, the soul, Atman-Brahman. But we live in the awareness, ‘I Am That’ body, thought and feeling.

‘I am that’ means you are a body, mind and emotion. That limited identification tends to lock you into an ongoing experience lost in a very limited, dissonant, ever-changing experience. Mindfulness has the power to take your attention into the present moment, without judgment. That’s the classical interpretation of Mindfulness. That is immensely beneficial because it takes your attention from ‘I am that’ to ‘I am’. ‘I am’ is one step closer to the soul but it isn’t the soul. ‘I am’ is awareness of yourself now, with the past and future left behind. But it doesn’t eliminate the layers of false identities that are subtler than the body, mind and emotions.

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Mindfulness and Why You Meditate

Meditation is about re-connecting. Mindfulness is about creating spaciousness and present moment awareness. Together they create the foundation for transformation to unfold.


Meditation is a journey from an outwardly focused life where the senses are always keeping your awareness focused outside, to bringing the awareness inward and leading it to the Self, a state of pure awareness. Meditation allows the realization of the authentic Self and the essential nature of who you are. Meditation is knowing the Self, realizing who you are and immersing yourself in the light of the Self. Self-realization is your natural state of awareness. It is restoring connection.


Mindfulness is bringing yourself back to the reality of the present moment. It is disengaging from the past and future that capture your awareness, causing you to live in old or future illusory realities and allows you to rest in the now. Now is the only place power resides. Now is the only neutral place from which to make conscious choices, receive what the universe is offering you and seize possibilities. Now is the only place transformation is possible. And mindfulness creates the space for awareness to blossom. You can only move from reaction to response when there is some degree of spaciousness. You can only change your energy to change your life in the present moment.

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Peace Is Everywhere

Beneath the noisy thoughts in your head, there is peace. Underneath the emotional upset, there is peace. Behind every human action and reaction, there is an unwavering core of peace. It may be hard to perceive at times, but if you take a deep breath and allow everything to just be as it is, you are immediately brought to the peace that always lives within. I have learned the truth of this over time and through experience. That one breath changes everything, and I am centered in absolute stillness and peace, no matter what else is going on around me.


The world we experience every day is full of excitement and drama, all of it compelling. We are here on Earth to immerse ourselves in those diverse experiences and emerge on the other side with new awareness and wisdom. We may not know it consciously, but our souls are guiding us on our earthly journey. It is a journey through the polarities and extremes of life back to the center of all creation, which is infinite peace and oneness, which is God. To know peace in the midst of every experience—chaos or celebration—is to live in alignment with divine Source energy. It is why we are here (and where we came from), all of us in our uniquely diverse lives: to come back home to peace and radiate it out from the core of our being. More and more, we are coming into conscious realization of this extraordinary process and the transformative power it holds.

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How to Connect to Very Chatty Universe – to have a real conversation about what counts!

You know people always ask me how do you have a conversation with the universe? Is it prayer and meditation? Of course, both of those are regular practices of mine and they are important (in my opinion) but neither is particularly good at the dynamics of what we know is a conversation. You know one person talks then the other one talks back.


Praying is good but it’s more talking “at the Universe” than with it sometimes. How many times have I been on my knees (AHEM in the past mind you) saying Dear God, Spirit, Universe angels and whoever else runs the show – please, please make this go away (you know when you’re unhappy with your crappy result of manifesting) I promise wholeheartedly I will never do “it” again!! (eat the whole cake, kiss the wrong guy, chase the wrong results). I came from the school of bargaining prayer. If I do this please can I have that?? I will be a good girl if you remove my mom’s Cancer, don’t let my dog die, watch our house be taken away.


Eventually, prayer for me was centered on gratitude and allowing, forgiveness and radical acceptance. I learned to pray for the willingness to be willing (to let go, to surrender, to let go some more etc.)  and sometimes the Universe would answer by giving me a break or by testing me until I was ready.


I always felt the partnership but it took ages to get the conversation part of it practical.  

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Mindfulness, Trust and Surrender

You have been conditioned to attempt to control life, to mold it into shape, to be the master of conditions and to be in charge of your life. So you are constantly trying to fix and change what is in order to assert control to create an outcome. This process arises from fear and lack of trust. You fear that if you lose control life will spin further out of control and all that you have built and struggled to create will disintegrate before your eyes. You fear the future because you have no trust or belief in the fact that life is looking out for you, unfolding and happening for you, for your evolution, for your expansion and for the expansion of your happiness and awakening.


You watch life and see that, when left alone, life falls apart. If you don’t take care of your house, it becomes shabby and derelict. If you don’t take care of your body, it becomes dirty and disease ridden. If you don’t put energy into your business, it goes into bankruptcy. So you assert control and, to some extent, it works.


But if you feel deeper into this idea of control you will see that it reaches beyond giving energy to something in order to make it thrive. It is true that if you give energy to something it will thrive and this is beneficial. It is the attachment to an outcome that creates the problems and suffering.

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Is Everlasting Happiness (Ananda) Possible?

I feel happiness is a choice that we make in every moment. I am not talking about happiness that is dependent on the outside world, like buying a new car or a house. That happiness is transient. Once the bill for the monthly car payments or the mortgage arrives, our happiness can turn into distress.


Happiness is also an emotion. We should experience all emotions such as happiness, sadness, anger, and fear with equanimity and let them flow through us like clouds so we don’t accumulate them as blockages or density. But underneath it all, we have ever shining Sun of the True Self --Sat (Truth), Chit (Pure consciousness), and Ananda (Bliss or Happiness).


During my divorce I went through a “Why me?” phase filled with emotions of shame, guilt, anger, resentment, regret, and fear of unknown. But, my patients loved my visits with them. They told me they felt good in my presence because I was so joyful. I could not believe that I was seen as a joyful person during the most stressful time of my life. Then I realized that my spiritual practices were helping me access this inner joy. I would like to share my happiness practices with you.

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Mindfulness and Dealing with What Triggers You

A trigger is an event that causes a reaction or a response. In you there are unresolved energetic impressions that can become activated and when they become activated they cause a reaction in you. They activate an energy and a feeling or emotion. They cause the mind to respond to the feeling contained within the impression. Most times that feeling is dissonant, because it is unresolved, and so the mind responds in a habitual way of distracting yourself from the feeling or stuffing it back down inside or letting it out and taking others down.


When you distract yourself you over-eat, over-drink, use drugs, gamble, over-indulge in sex, work, TV, social media, or any activity that allows you to ignore what you are feeling. When you stuff it inside you add to the energy’s density and it festers within. When you let it out, it can be destructive to you and others.


A trigger is actually calling for your attention. It is telling you what needs resolution. It is signaling that it is there and it is giving you an opportunity to end your suffering. But there is a natural response in you to want to feel and reach for the pleasant and push away the unpleasant. You naturally resist the unpleasant. This resistance to feeling what is being triggered misses the opportunity for resolution and greater freedom. You will create your life in a way that only allow people, places and things around you that don’t trigger you. But it is the uncomfortable that allows for the greatest growth. It is the trigger that is your teacher, mirroring what is inside you in need of resolution.

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Mindfulness and dealing with Crisis

Everything that happens in your life is happening for you. Life is a series of situations that are being created for your awakening. Your destiny is unfolding perfectly for you to return to connection to your essential Self.


Everyone’s life has a destiny which is playing out in harmony with all things. But you have a limited perspective from which you judge everything. When an extreme situation arises in your life you judge it from a human perspective and label it a crises. You see it in a limited perspective. You personalize the situation.


Crisis is accelerated change and change is the vehicle for expansion and evolution to march forward.


Crisis tests your humanity. It is the ultimate trigger for both bringing into awareness what needs resolution and also who you really are; peace, love, abundance, bliss and well-being. Dramatic times create the opening for leaps in expanding awareness. Welcome them, even in the midst of your fear, pain, heart-break and loss. Crisis opens you to seeing deeply.

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Avoid This Major Road-Block to Peace and Well Being

If you are like me, you have spent several years studying many different paths to oneness and wellbeing. We have so much amazing information regarding personal liberation right at our fingertips.

 

When we are implementing these teachings, we usually feel our best or at least a lot better. We feel more connected to our souls and maintain clarity of perception. This usually shows up in our bodies and personal success levels.

 

For most people, their daily spiritual practice and routine diminishes and the knowledge fades over time. Life takes over and its demands on our time and attention move the practice to the back burner. When this happens, we start to forget the life changing phrases and clarifying cliff notes that had kept us on track.

 

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Mindfulness and Fear

Fear is a vibrational energy. Fear is an organic, natural energy that is shared by all animals, unlike guilt and shame, which are not natural. When animals experience fear they feel it and shake it off, literally, and move on. We refuse to feel it and it accumulates, causing density. Then we prove to ourselves that the world is an unsafe place. We keep it locked in place to protect us, but then it keeps us locked in place. Fear limits and restricts us. We stay in unsatisfying relationships, unsatisfying jobs, invalidating the universal principle of more. We play life safe. We hold onto our limitations.


When we experience fear we fight, flee or freeze, all of which stop the flow of energy and impede receiving and expansion.


Fear is an immature, primitive reaction. It served primitive man well and served us well as children to protect us. It keeps us safe, but small and needy and weighs us down even as it seems to support us.


Fear exists on the mental level and much of our mental activity is being run on the energy of fear. It is like a membrane that enshrouds us, protecting us from deeper vibrational density within, mostly sadness. It is a self-defense mechanism. 


Courage isn’t the absence of fear. Courage is a willingness to feel fear and move forward anyway. Fear sets up a barrier both to us receiving our magnificence, and experiencing and giving out our Divinity. Fear is a vibrational membrane that locks energy in place. Courage allows our energy to flow by restoring movement. We feel the fear and walk through that barrier of fear. Fear is not wrong but it is limiting. Courage is sustaining momentum and moving through this barrier of fear, moving beyond our comfort zone. Fearlessness equals doing, moving forward, keeping momentum.

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Mindfulness and Depression

There is one symptom of the fear of un-lovability and unworthiness and that is sadness and depression. This wound of un-lovability expresses itself in the feeling of depression. The reason sadness arises from the experience of unworthiness is that it is untrue, yet you believe it. Lack of worth, lack of acceptance, lack of lovability is the great fallacy in life. But you hold worthlessness as a belief on some level and as long as that false belief is in place you will feel the symptoms of sadness and depression.


You believe you are unlovable not because you truly are experiencing yourself authentically that way but because you are gauging and judging your worth based upon the conditioning and experiences of parents, teachers, society, friends, family and spiritual beliefs. You have to fit in, excel, look, act, respond and think like they want you to in order for them to love you. And that is an impossible job with an unattainable result. You live in-authentically to be loved and you dis-connect yourself from your essential self, always living in a created self, seeking to be loved.


When you don’t get what you want you react with anger or you hide yourself away. Either way, deep inside you feel a deep and ever-present sadness. You can’t achieve being loved outside and you aren’t experiencing it inside, where it truly exists, because you are dis-connected to your essential self. As this cycle continues sadness turns to depression.

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Mindfulness and Worthiness

Worth is determined by how you value something and Self-worth is determined by the extent to which you deem yourself excellent or lacking and how you value yourself.


How do you see yourself? You are, to some extent, living an in-authentic life. You have created an image, a created self to fit in, to be accepted and to be loved. Everything you think, say and do is caught up in your quest to be valued by others. So your self-worth is being determined by an outside person or group of people who have never been able to see the authentic you.

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30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

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