It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us. 

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Accepting What You Can't Control, Controlling What You Can

Coming to grips with what you can and can’t control opens the door to true emotional freedom and personal power. I frequently receive questions about what to do in situations where someone is behaving in an unloving way, or a way that’s painful for them. For example:

  • My co-worker never answers emails, making it very hard for me to do my work, as I need his input.
  • My wife never wants to make love.
  • People often ask me intrusive questions that I don’t want to answer.
  • My husband is often late and never calls to let me know he is going to be late for dinner.
  • My friend got together with a bunch of our friends for lunch and didn’t invite me.
  • My parents are forever criticizing me.
  • I often feel invaded and demanded of by family and friends.
  • My husband sits at the table when we go out to dinner absorbed with his phone instead of talking with me.
  • My children are disrespectful toward me.
  • My wife has a male friend whom she talks with all the time and sometimes meets for lunch, even though I’ve told her I’m uncomfortable with their relationship.
  • My wife often wants to talk about what I’m doing wrong. 


Two Healthy Choices in Conflict

It is important to remember that we have only two healthy ways of dealing with conflict – two loving responses when another is behaving in a way that is upsetting or hurtful to us.

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Transforming Two Fears: FOF and FOMO

There are two common fears that can block us from our full potential – fear of failure (FOF), and fear of missing out (FOMO). This talk explores how to meet these fears with mindful presence, and discover within them the essence energies of loving awareness and full aliveness (a favorite from the Archives).

Note – This talk is dedicated to Tim Ferriss, who turned me on to the phrase FOMO. Tim exemplifies the creative aliveness of FOMO energy when it’s living through someone who’s dedicated to being awake, caring and real. Check out his podcasted interview with Tara at: https://youtu.be/pXNEM4wjSmE​ and his podcast at fourhourworkweek.com/podcast/.

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Whose Feelings Are You Responsible For – Yours or Others?

Do you believe you are responsible for causing others’ anger, hurt, sadness or anxiety? Is this causing you to feel guilty?

“My wife is so upset that I have to travel more on my new job,” Chuck told me in our phone counseling session. “She feels so alone and lost when I’m gone. When I talk with her she is either crying or angry. I feel so badly and guilty but I don’t know what to do.”

“Do you feel responsible for her feelings?” I asked him. “Do you feel that you are the cause of her feelings?”

“Yes.”

* * * * *

“I’m just starting to date again after my divorce and I’m having a hard time with it,” Jeanette told me. “I just don’t know how to let a man know that I’m not interested in dating him any more, or in pursuing a sexual relationship with him. It feels like such a sticky situation.”

“Is it sticky because you are worried about his feelings?”

“Yes. The last man I dated hung his head and looked so distressed when I asked him to leave. I know that he was really attracted to me and I wasn’t at all attracted to him. I felt so awful that he was so hurt.”

“Did you feel responsible for his feelings?”

“Yes.”

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The Sacred Practice Of Forgiveness: THE FOURTH ENERGY!

It’s through our relationships with those close to us that we get to work out our spiritual growth — and I am no exception! 

My relationship with my mother was a container in which I received some of my deepest hurts and also have experienced the redemptive power of forgiveness, which is our Fourth Energy, Love. 

From my earliest days, I had such a love-hate relationship with my mom. She was a very complicated, confusing woman. She was absolutely riddled with contradictions. Like, if someone rang the doorbell and we weren’t expecting company, we had to immediately get away from the windows so no one could see us. But at the same time, she loved to show us off and have us look a certain way, dressed up like little dolls with curled hair and perfect clothing. 

She wanted to control everything — and me being me, I wanted to rebel, so we’d butt heads constantly. I was supposed to behave according to her rules. But at the same time, she’d be totally lenient in other ways. 

I remember wanting to skip school because I hadn’t studied for a test. She made up an illness for me and let me stay home. She was both my friend and tormentor — the definition of “frenemy.” 

When our family finances fell apart, the whole family fell apart. We were all a mess, emotionally and financially and spiritually. I was deep in my addiction to drugs and alcohol, and nearly lost my life to my addiction. I was out of control and out of balance in so many ways, including in respect to my fourth energy center, where love, compassion, and forgiveness reside. 

Creating a Balance of Love and Compassion

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Is Healing a Choice?

When it comes to healing and how to heal, we often have so many questions. As we explore this, let’s start with a concept, which may be new to you—

There is nothing to heal, because there is nothing broken.

This may not be how a typical conversation about healing begins, so let’s tie it all together with an explanation about how our body and our life collaborate with each other. We live in a quantum reality and that quantum reality is what you’re truly interested in becoming masterful at. 

Whether you are aware of this or not, there is a deep, true part of each of us that desires to walk and talk awake in this quantum reality as the creator and the healer that we truly are. 

Everyone is capable of transforming their lives from victimized “reactorship” to empowered creatorship, because creativity is what we’re made of. It’s what we are here to do. 

We are all capable of making this Quantum Flip® from victimhood to creatorship. No exceptions. Because we are made of creative energy itself and we are here to learn how to express and reveal that fully.

Remember those days when we used to travel? (I miss being in the room with all of you!) Back then, I’d meet people live and in-person who’d studied The Energy Codes® coursework for years. It was so inspiring to me, and still is, albeit virtually, that we’re reaching people all over the world because that is how we establish a different reality. We’ve created a new reality, despite, and because of, the circumstances. 

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How to move beyond feeling alone

The biggest epidemic in the world today is loneliness. That feeling of being unloved, unloveable, alone… 

Technology has created a world that continues to become more connected... more crowded...  

and yet increasingly lonely for so many.

This persistent feeling is not just emotionally painful, it can damage your relationships, career and even your health. Lonely people tend to sleep poorly, experience depression and anxiety and have reduced immune and cardiovascular health. 

Research also tells us that chronic loneliness makes you increasingly sensitive to rejection and hostility. In uncertain social and work related situations, lonely people immediately think the worst.  

Lonely people also pay more attention to negative social information like disagreements or criticism. They tend to remember more of the negative things that happen and fewer positive things. 

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Why Nothing That Happens is Truly Bad

You must know that as a soul, as a sacred being, as a Divine entity, you are placing yourself in certain circumstances, situations, and conditions in every given moment of your life for a particular purpose and reason.

It’s also important to understand that pain (both physical and emotional) can, in fact, be bidden. It actually can be wanted. It’s hard to believe, I know, but it is, in fact, true that it can be welcomed for any one of a number of reasons.

Yet if the Mind thinks that a particular pain is “unwanted,” it will not abide it. It will violently or strenuously fight against it, and that’s precisely what creates the experience of struggle and suffering in one’s life.

Underneath this truth lies a deeper one: Nothing that ever happens is “bad” for you.  If it were bad for you, it wouldn’t be happening. Life is incapable of producing an event or condition that does not carry you to the next place in your evolution or that is not designed for your next expression of Divinity. Since the expression of Divinity is the reason you are here, you can be sure that everything is placed before you to serve this Divine purpose; in other words, to serve your purpose because your purpose is the Divine purpose.

Life offers you repeated chances—literally millions of chances —to respond differently to conditions and events should you choose to, and by that process to re-create yourself anew.  Indeed, it is the nature of life to seek greater and greater expressions and experiences of what life is and how it is when it flows through you, in you, as you as a means of evolution.

And yet, there has to be way to evolve, to expand, to grow without the suffering and struggle.

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How to Find Joy Through Emotional Healing

The past year has been full of hardship for Americans as the pandemic caused widespread illness, deaths, business closings and job losses. Even those who have not experienced illness and economic hardship have had to deal with an increased sense of isolation and loneliness.

The emotional toll has been particularly hard on young people who have lost the chance to learn and socialize in school, healthcare workers facing trauma and burnout, nursing home residents and those who live alone. But no one has been untouched.

It’s hard to gauge at this point just what the overall, long-term impact will be, but many people will face long-term emotional scars from the loss, trauma, and struggles they have endured.

When we have an intensely difficult experience, the emotions we feel should fade with time. But sometimes they’re just too much for us to handle. In these cases, our bodies may hold onto those negative energies in the form of what many call “emotional baggage.”

We call these emotional energies Trapped Emotions, unresolved feelings from difficult and traumatic life experiences. These lingering emotional energies can damage our mental and physical health, relationships, and overall sense of well-being. Their harmful effects can be exacerbated during difficult times like those we have faced since the pandemic begin.

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Creating Our Own Reality

As the world heals slowly from the advent of the Pandemic, the spirits of mankind also, heal from within. 

The last year has been a depressing year for most people, in terms of finance and emotional well being. Lots of people have struggled with their thoughts within, much as they have been trying to keep their physical health in correct order.

The world on the whole has emerged stronger on a level of consciousness, yet on a more individual note, we need to address the underlying issues of the human psyche, in order for them to be sorted, and for humanity at large to be happier and joyful.

NEGATIVE THINKING
What creates the most amount of emotional pain, is negative thoughts. These in turn attract negative consequences or take the individual , into a lot of mental and emotional pain.
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Wake up to the Place of Power Within

What is the root, the real root of any crisis in our life? Most of us have probably never thought of such a question, but it’s important today...especially today.

Isn’t the root of any crisis that sudden sense of being powerless? That feeling as if the choices have been taken out of our hands; as if there is a future coming that we may or may not have any authority over?

But what if we don’t know what real power is? And because we don’t, we’re often handed off into a sense of being powerless that only produces, time and time again, a way in which we seek ways to control our condition instead of transcending the consciousness producing it.

True spiritual power isn’t the ability to imagine or implement an endless series of new solutions to old problems.  Rather, it’s a radical higher form of self-understanding, one that illuminates and transcends our unconscious need to have painful problems at all.

I mean, which would you rather have?  Your own personal fire truck and a fire to put out every day, or a life that has no painful fires in it at all?

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If You’re Having a Hard Time Right Now… This Might be Why

I’ve just realized something: this past week or so has been FULL of examples in my life showing me how important it is to be in a place of acceptance when it comes to things you cannot control.

If you haven’t noticed, we suffer when we don’t actually accept the things arising in our lives. When we’re fighting against things outside our own control, we end up triggered and often miserable, unable to achieve the financial abundance or deep personal fulfillment we do desire.

This has been made so clear to me this past week that I want to share a bit more of what I mean…

Why Suffering Cycles Happen

I don’t care what topic we’re talking about: acceptance is an essential step to getting yourself out of suffering cycles and on your way to achieving the financial abundance and deep personal fulfillment of your dreams.

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Grow a Key Inner Strength

What do you need?

The Practice:
Grow a key inner strength.

Why?

We all have issues – including demands upon us, stresses, illnesses, losses, vulnerabilities, and pain. (As Alan Watts put it: “Life is wiggly.”) Of course, many of our issues – in the broad sense I’m using the word here – are related to important sources of fulfillment, such as starting a business or raising a family; still, there’s some kind of challenge.

This JOT offers a basic road map for how to deal with issues – for healing, well-being and effectiveness, and personal growth. It’s a little longer than usual, but the approach here has helped me a lot – and I bet it will help you, too.

Some issues are out there in the world, such as financial concerns, an aging parent with dementia, a baby with colic, a tough quarter at work (or in college), a combative neighbor, or conflicts in an intimate relationship.

Some issues are in the body, such as an illness, injury, or vulnerability to dysregulated hormones.

And some issues are in the mind, like anxiety, depressed mood, low self-worth, trauma, lingering pain from childhood, learning disability, fear of public speaking, or grief over a loss.

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New Year's Inspiration: Forgive, Forgive, Forgive

At the beginning of a new year we always feel the excitement of moving forward into a time where you have the opportunity to be happier, healthier and to have a better year than the last.

All the resolutions under the sun will not get you there - only your commitment to becoming the best version of who you are will reap the rewards of a better, more vital and rewarding life.

Forgiveness is the lynch pin upon which we all build our inner peace muscle.

If there is anyone in your life you have not been able to forgive yet, try sitting quietly for a moment and become mindful of how you feel when you think of that person. 

Any emotion that takes you out of love has an adverse effect on your health and well being.

It is enlightened self-interest to place a forgiveness template into your heart and from the depths of the love that you are, forgive anyone who has pushed your buttons over the past 12 months.

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Feeling Heartbroken or Disappointed?

A lot has happened here in the United States and I want to do my best to help support you in the place that you are in … knowing that everyone is in a different place … that everyone feels a little bit differently because of a different perspective, different experiences, a different frame of reference … and that’s how it’s meant to be.

Let’s talk today about the pain, the sadness, the fear, the anger, the overwhelm, the frustration, the nervousness so many people are feeling and being activated by what they’re witnessing.

You may be one of those people that are feeling disappointed in the human race … or disappointed in who we are, disappointed in the way that people are showing up, or feel heartbroken or have a heavy heart.  I want to take a moment first off to tell you that whatever it is you’re feeling … wherever the things that you are witnessing and experiencing are taking you … you have a right to those feelings.

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Discover More About Yourself

Although self-study may include reading certain inner life books or listening to lectures on self-transformation, these materials, as encouraging and informative as they may be, are really only preparational tools; they have their place. After all, if you were going to climb a mountain, you would want expert advice on the proper equipment to use, and you would want instruction from others who had climbed that mountain before you. From their past painful experiences, you might be able to save a few of your own! Or so the thinking goes. All of this instruction, however, cannot raise you one inch above the valley floor to bring you any closer to the mountain top. There is only one way to reach the peak: you, yourself, must make the climb. 

In the same way, self-study is personal, individual work that sincere seekers must do for themselves. Far more intricate and at least as rigorous as trying to scale a real mountain, self-study asks us to begin with:

• Honestly observing ourselves as often as possible during the day to see the truth of what is actually directing our life in those moments 
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Pandemic Holidays Leaving You Lonely? Mindfulness Can Help.

Loneliness around the holidays has always been an issue for some of us, but the coronavirus outbreak has widened the reality of this struggle to include more people than ever. Before the pandemic hit, a study reported that more than 60% of Americans grapple with loneliness. After lockdowns and stay-at-home orders were issued, about a third of Americans reported feeling even lonelier than usual.

Now, nine months into the pandemic, with the holiday season in full swing, coronavirus numbers are on the rise — and so are the stay-at-home orders to combat that surge. How can those who already struggled with loneliness in normal times deal with the increased isolation? How can people who usually rely on companionship with loved ones during the holidays cope with this new loneliness-inducing reality?

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Mark Nepo's Weekly Reflection: The Gold of Suffering

The apple blossoms behind Susan’s studio are opening and the weeping cherry is turning pink. And today, we have coffee on the deck, our faces in the sun. Everything is so peaceful and full of quiet that we can, for the moment, forget that the Earth is draped in a pandemic. Still, all things are true and all things are happening at once. As I breathe in the early light, someone is taking their last breath. As I wrestle with a jolt of fear, a couple is making love for the first time. As a thousand things are falling apart, another thousand are coming together. This ebb and flow on a cosmic scale is what keeps the Universe going. It feels inevitable that the more I can’t go anywhere, the more my heart travels everywhere—across the globe, then back and forth through history.

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Mankind Is Waiting For The Chance to Change

This is one of my favorite passages in “Flow: The Beginning Is Upon Us” by Jessica Keats.

On The Unknown:  

— The thing about the unknown is that it is unknown. We have no reference for it and there is no way to conceptualize it. When we are headed towards it our minds begin to find logical explanations for it or against it. Our minds envision where we are going and why we are going and then our minds begin to find all the reasons why we shouldn’t go. We get stuck in the reasons we shouldn’t go as these bring up more and more questions and reasons. All of this is a result of our beliefs and patterns of rejection and fear. We reject what we fear so we make up many reasons to fear this unknown possibility.

Many people call the process of moving into the unknown a “breakdown to breakthrough” or “wading through the muck”, but it feels like this only because of our beliefs, fears and stories resisting the natural process of change.

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9 Ways to Unleash Your Joy (Even During Turbulent Times)

Today is a good day to be happy. No matter what is happening in the world (or your own personal world), joy is your protection and purpose right now. 

Joy is one of the highest vibrations we can experience on Planet Earth. Fear is one of the lowest vibrations. During these turbulent times, fear is trying with all its might to seduce us into believing we must worry, fret, and stress over the current conditions in our world.

“How can I not stress?” you might wonder. Yes, the world as we know it appears to be crumbling in complete chaos. But do you know what is really happening underneath the surface? Fear is being shaken out. Hidden deception, corruption, and inequalities are coming into the light, so they will no longer be tolerated. Truth is rising to the surface. Underneath all the chaos, positive change is awakening like the sun rising and shining upon the entire earth.

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How Pain Is Your Teacher

"What if pain was actually a portal into the possibility of something more authentic?”

What if your pain was simply a message? Are you willing to hear the message? In this week’s episode, I talk about a powerful concept that can shift your life completely, how pain is your teacher. By accepting what is happening in the moment and understanding the pain you’re feeling, you can find the real gift. Listen to this episode and learn how pain can help you understand yourself even more deeply, live more authentically, and access more joy and fulfillment in your life.

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30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

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