Try This Practice for More Calm, Less Stress in 2022

Practicing mindfulness in everyday life can help us feel less distracted, reduce anxiety, improve memory and concentration, and better manage crises like dealing with the pandemic, research shows. Could it even help us keep New Year’s resolutions?

I believe the answer is yes, when we make self-compassion part of our mindfulness practice.

Studies show that people who are compassionate toward themselves are more likely to try again when they fail to achieve a goal. They don’t see failure as a blow to their self-concept. They recognize that everyone fails, and view failure is an opportunity to grow.

On the first of January each year, it is safe to say that billions of people make New Year’s resolutions. Perhaps you are one of these individuals who long to take control of their destiny: to be more kind, less lazy, better disciplined, or to not be as selfish and self-centered. 

But I would assert that every year, even as the total number of people who make these resolutions increases, there is also a steady decline in the number of people who hold out any real hope in their own powers to further perfect themselves. And it isn’t that their spirit isn’t willing -- only that they have slipped down the steep path before them too many times.

And so it is that we gradually reach that place in our lives where we recognize that simply coming up with more wishes is a waste. If we are to change, something else is needed. 

2020: Your Year of Mindful Self-Compassion

Just for a moment, forget about all your standard New Year’s resolutions. It goes without saying that most of us want to be healthier, wealthier, and wiser – but what if we’re going about it all wrong? Have we ever really stopped to wonder whether it’s possible to shame and “should” ourselves into going to the gym more or eating better?

Luckily, there’s another solution. Allow me to introduce you to a lovely practice called Mindful Self-Compassion (MSC). Mindfulness is the foundation of MSC. Why? Because we need to become aware of and acknowledge our suffering in order to respond to our discomfort with kindness. Self-compassion involves acting the same way towards yourself as you would act towards a dear friend when you are having a difficult time, fail, or notice something you don’t like about yourself.

Instead of just ignoring your pain with a “tough it out” mentality, you can stop to tell yourself, “This is really difficult right now. How can I comfort and care for myself in this moment?” Instead of mercilessly judging and criticizing yourself for various inadequacies or shortcomings, you are kind and understanding towards yourself when confronted with personal failings. After all, who ever said you were supposed to be perfect?

You may try to change in ways that allow you to be healthier and happier, but when you are mindfully showing yourself compassion, you change because you care about yourself, not because you are worthless or unacceptable as you are. Perhaps most importantly, having compassion for yourself means you honor and accept your humanness.

Things will not always go the way you want them to. You will encounter frustrations, and losses will occur; you will make mistakes, bump up against your limitations, and fall short of your ideals. This is the human condition, a reality shared by all of us. The more you open your heart to this reality instead of constantly fighting against it, the more you will be able to feel compassion for yourself and all your fellow humans in the experience of life.