Where Does It Hurt?

The Practice:
Recognize suffering in others.

Why?

We’re usually aware of our own suffering, which – broadly defined – includes the whole range of physical and mental discomfort, from mild headache or anxiety to the agony of bone cancer or the anguish of losing a child. (Certainly, there is more to life than suffering, including great joy and fulfillment; that said, we’ll sustain a single focus here.)

But seeing the suffering in others: that’s not so common. All the news and pictures of disaster, murder, and grief that bombard us each day can ironically numb us to suffering in our own country and across the planet. Close to home, it’s easy to tune out or simply miss the stress and strain, unease and anger, in the people we work, live – even sleep – with.

No one is responsible for your happiness.

You are.

No one has power over you unless you allow them to have it.

The more you need other people and external events in life to be a certain way in order to feel free, the less free you will end up being.

When you take full responsibility for your inner experience you become powerful.

What are you making responsible for your current experience?

Who are you making responsible for how you feel?

News and pictures of disasters bombarding us each day can numb us to suffering.

Where Does It Hurt?

The Practice:
Recognize suffering.

Why?

We're usually aware of our own suffering, which - broadly defined - includes the whole range of physical and mental discomfort, from mild headache or anxiety to the agony of bone cancer or the anguish of losing a child. (Certainly, there is more to life than suffering, including great joy and fulfillment; that said, we'll sustain a single focus here.)

 

But seeing the suffering in others: that's not so common. All the news and pictures of disaster, murder, and grief that bombard us each day can ironically numb us to suffering in our own country and across the planet. Close to home, it's easy to tune out or simply miss the stress and strain, unease and anger, in the people we work, live - even sleep - with.

 

This creates problems for others, of course. Often what matters most to another person is that someone bears witness to his or her suffering, that someone just really gets it; it's a wound and a sorrow when this doesn't happen. And at the practical level, if their suffering goes unnoticed, they're unlikely to get help.

Too many of us suffer in silence.

Pretending it’s okay…pretending we’re okay.

We keep ourselves stuck by silencing our inner voice and not utilizing our outer voice. Out of shame and fear we don’t ask for help and we don’t share our stories. Instead we seek isolation in an effort to escape the hurt, memories, shame or pain.

What you fail to realize is that you are NEVER alone in your experiences. There have been a multitude of people who have felt the same way before you and there are countless people who are feeling the same way now. You may not know them or see them, but they have the same feelings of anger, sadness, heartache, despair… They feel what you feel. You share each other’s fear.

On this Sunday after Thanksgiving, I find myself reflecting. I am reflecting on the larger world we share. I am reflecting on our country and all that is going on here at home. And, I am reflecting on my own, smaller, world, right here within myself.

Through reflection, I find that I am able to be both optimistic and deeply troubled by the state of our world. I am troubled by the violence that exists in our society, by the state of men and women’s relationships right now, and by the hopelessness that so many feel about our politics and our national discourse. But, I am also optimistic that we are in the midst of a national awakening. I believe that we are in an awakening about our politics, about power, about the realities of sexual harassment, about economic inequality, and about the importance of having a free press that can do its job.

You have the perfect parents for your soul’s growth and evolution in this lifetime.

Your parents may not be perfect human beings, as they too are souls on this journey of life and are here to learn lessons like you.

Relationships with parents can be some of the most challenging and difficult to navigate.


Ask yourself: What are the lessons that your soul is seeking to learn with them?

They give birth to you, raise you, and impact so much of who you become.

They simply did the best that they knew how to do at that time of their lives, even though it may not have been what you wanted.

It’s highly unlikely they woke up each day thinking about how they could cause you the most suffering. Likely they were in pain themselves.

Hurt people tend to HURT other people, and the cycle continues.

You can break the cycle and take your power back.

So much of our personal suffering is self-imposed. We struggle against the way life is unfolding, trying to force certain outcomes. When we fail, we are miserable. Our minds replay our supposed failures over and over again, triggering memories of past “failures” so that finally we are drowning in an avalanche of suffering. We see ourselves as victims, barely able to carry on beneath the burden of unfulfilled dreams, of life’s unfairness. The promise of abundant possibilities and self-fulfillment seems to elude us again and again. What if we are only living out our mind’s perception of life—a self-constructed illusion that keeps us trapped in struggle and unhappiness? Our personality self, or ego, which is connected to the mind, engages in the world at the level of effort and trying. Our souls exist in connection to a Higher Self, or God. When we completely surrender to something greater than our own individual personality selves, we let go of suffering as a way of life.