Life is getting better everyday.
Sometimes you have the tendency to see what you want to see instead of seeing the truth or you come up with an interpretation rather than being with the truth. It’s important to get to a place and to have the courage to be honest with yourself about what that truth is.
Rationality is the most ingenious invention ever devised by the human mind for extracting order out of chaos. As raw experience, the physical world is chaos soup. We are bombarded by billons of perceptual bits every minute—the retina at the back of your eye alone receives trillions of photons a minute. Chaos is totally disorderly and disorganized. It makes no sense; therefore, the world makes no sense unless something steps in to organize things so that everyday life doesn’t feel like a storm-tossed ship.
Reason did the trick. You can gaze out your window and see trees, sky, buildings, and other people, giving each a name. You can hone your reason, go to graduate school, and become an expert in botany so that you know everything about trees or architecture so that you can build a house or skyscraper. The modern world has been engineered by the rational mind. So what could go wrong?
No matter how gently I offer it, sometimes the information is very difficult for the person to hear, such as, "Right now, you are pulling on everyone for love and approval. You have handed your inner child to everyone around you to take care of you. There must be a good reason you are doing this. Are you open to exploring this?" or "There must be a very good reason that there is no loving adult present here. There is just a wounded child. Are you willing to open to learning about this?" or "I cannot feel you when you cry like this. This pain is the pain of a victim, trying to get someone to take care of you. This is pain that you are causing by your own self-judgment and self-abandonment. This crying is a pull on others to take care of you. You hope others will feel sorry for you and have compassion for you because you have no compassion for yourself. There must be some very good reasons that you are abandoning yourself right now. Are you willing to open to learning about this?"
They think I am judging them rather than offering them a truth. They do not get that truth is love - authentic radical love. Without knowing the truth about their intention and their behavior, they cannot heal. The truth opens the door for them to start loving themselves instead of spending all their energy trying to get others to love them.
We are often told that it's important to speak up for ourselves, but we have few role models for what this looks like.
Gwendolyn asked the following question about this topic:
Each of us evolve and change; this is a delightful truth in our world. Thus, we are always offered new opportunities. Will this constant tide of evolution eventually bring us to the Age of Enlightenment? Will humanity discover a state of mind, where we no longer bomb our neighbors, or is the Age of Enlightenment reserved only for individuals to experience?
Regardless of the assertion of any fearful state that seeks to convince you otherwise, apply this one great truth:
That fear must break down if it doesn’t succeed in breaking down your willingness to test its reality. How do you conduct such a test? You learn to look at its presence within you with the quiet understanding that, in reality, nothing in life is fixed. All things change. Everything passes. This is truth. Knowing this to be true is power over fearful states that hold us captive.
Throughout history, those afraid of the life of feelings have undermined their power and dismissed their rightful role in experiencing truth. For much of my life, I’ve been called a Romantic, which is true, but not complete. It’s like defining the sea by its surface. Romantic is a term that has been diminished through the years. Today, it denotes a sentimental outlook on life fueled by unwarranted optimism. At heart, though, it has always been an outlook that assumes there’s something larger than the individual. All the energy surrounding such a view arises from a belief in the interconnectedness of all Life and the experience of Wholeness.
At its core, Romanticism suggests that we can become whole through inwardness, by feeling and inhabiting our “inscape,” as Gerard Manley Hopkins calls it. “Feeling is all,” as the German poet Goethe says.
Even though presence is becoming an experience and reality for so many people, there are still many points of resistance or rejection.
Another entry point into the truth is that the absolute nature of reality, meaning the total truth about life, is that you are an infinite presence. You are infinite energy. Even though this is the truth, the never ending truth or foundation of who you are, many of you are resisting it.
Here is the main point of resistance you may be experiencing:
Do you know that you let people treat you in such a disrespective way because you are afraid of the energy inside of you, afraid of using your voice and stepping into your truth? Some of you have allowed people in your life to treat you horribly.
It’s time to recognize that you deserve to be treated respectively. It doesn’t matter what the relationship dynamic is, if it’s not respectful, it’s not in alignment with you. There is no excuse for bullying or intimidation.
It’s important to understand that you need to start advocating on your behalf. Some of you are so removed from what self-respect and self-love feels like that you don’t know where to start.
The reason you are afraid is because you are afraid of the anger that’s inside of you. Stepping into your truth is you being like everyone else around you that you can’t stand, like the raging mom or the raging dad.
Today is World Mental Health Day. Before you read further, I'd ask that you take a moment to check in with yourself this morning.
Check in with your mind. Sit with how you feel for a bit and don't judge. Think about all your mind does for you. Think about all it keeps track of for you. If you are like me, you probably drive it too hard. You probably put too much on its plate. You more than likely berate it for not being what you think it should be.
Pause.
The truth is, your mind is extraordinary and uniquely your own. Sure, it may drive you nuts at times (I feel you). You may wish it were different—maybe smarter, quicker, or better at retaining everything you want to remember. Maybe, like me, you wish your mind were less dark. I get that. But remember: your mind is yours and yours alone. Today, my wish is that you honor your mind's beauty. Honor its unique abilities, its perseverance, how extraordinary it is, and all it does for you.
“OMG, your past is speaking to you. What a validation of your truth!”
That’s what my friend Nadine said after reading my column in The Sunday Paper last week. In it, I wrote about the concept of leaving and about my parting words with Winnie, a woman who cared for my brothers as we were growing up.
"You knew your truth all along,” Nadine continued. “You knew what it was, and yet you didn’t believe yourself. You sought outside validation. Perhaps now you will trust yourself!”
The next time something dark or disturbing tries to steal into you to wreck your contentment, do not consent to be drawn into its seemingly important considerations. Instead of sinking into this yawning abyss, rather than running after something to resolve that rift, better to remember this truth: the peace you long for also longs for you. Then, whatever you must do, find your way to it! Here’s a good place to start.
Come awake to the backdrop of stillness within you, and while being aware within it, watch your own thoughts and feelings trying to drag you into the noisy world of their worry and fear. If you will go silent before them, they have no choice but to enter into the silence with you. This is how we turn the table on these thieves of peace. They cannot live with you in the light of higher self-awareness. In this mansion there is room for only one.
You can work at this exercise anytime you remember it. Try it now. Look past the familiar forms around you, including those reactions in you about them. Don’t think about the moment unfolding before you, see it; Be the whole of life in the perfectly present moment. This Now is where the spirit of peace resides. Drop the minutiae, the too-familiar sense of self found in sorting through the particular. Place your attention in the awareness of your thoughts instead of losing yourself within them and what they tell you is happening.
If everything is love and you are love, then what exactly about you is not loved? There are no excuses. Relax into the truth and you will begin to experience yourself in a different way. The state of connection that you’ve been trying to access your whole life has always been present within you.
At some point, you just have to understand that you are doing it to yourself. That revelation can either be a relief or it can be a further point of frustration for you, depending on how responsible, accountable and willing you are to hearing the truth. That means there are some fundamental principles that are permeating reality. For some reason, we have been conditioned to believe, and we further reinforce that conditioning, to have us disconnect from these principles.
You are love. Not some future version of you, not some past version of you but the version of you that you are right now. You are love. There isn’t some power, or some force, or some energy that wakes up every morning and thinks of innovative and new ways to mess with your feng shui. That is not happening. There is not some being that has a power over you, who’s waking up every morning that messes with your vatsu. That is not going on.
Wishing to be free, without taking action toward our intention, is meaningless; we must employ the truths we uncover, or we will never realize the possibility of their true power, which is to help us walk away from what has been wrecking us. But with this new understanding in mind we must also realize that the truth that sets us free is not for hire; it does not so much “work” for us as it is our silent partner, producing the new life we long for. This means several things.
First, we must be receptive to truth’s instruction in the Now; only conscious awareness of our aching can lead us to what authentically answers it, ending it. But secondly, we must -- ourselves -- be true in the same moment to what we know is the truth of that moment. We must do the truth we know. We must refuse, no matter what the seeming cost in the moment, to take part in any conversation with those parts of us that have proven themselves, time and time again, to compromise us.
"When your mind and heart are truly open abundance will flow to you effortlessly and easily."
Every person wakes up in the morning to join the struggle between truth and reality. Yet almost no one realizes that this is what they are doing. Life contains struggles—no one disagrees with that sad fact—but what are we struggling against? The answers seem obvious. We struggle to stay healthy, make a living, maintain our relationships, and in general to keep our heads above water.
Where does truth enter into this? Imagine someone sitting in a chair wearing state-of-the-art virtual reality gear. In the simulation bombarding his senses, he is racing in the Indy 500, running away from tigers in the jungle, or walking a tightrope. These are perilous adventures that he is immersed in, where survival itself is at stake. His body will exhibit all the signs of a stress response. But his experience is entirely fake, a construct by clever VR engineers. The truth is that he is sitting still in a chair, perfectly safe and sheltered from struggle.
The Practice:
Find the good news.
Why?
“Tell the truth.” It’s the foundation of science – and the foundation of healthy relationships, communities, and countries.
But the truth of things is complicated. To simplify, there is the good of things that are enjoyable and helpful, the bad of things that are painful and harmful, and the neutral of things that are neither.
We need to recognize genuinely bad news for our own sake and to take care of others. But we also need to recognize good news: things that are useful, reassuring, inspiring, opportunities, solutions, etc.
The Brain’s Negativity Bias
Unfortunately, we have a brain that generally fixates on bad news and brushes past good news. Over the 600 hundred million year evolution of the nervous system, our ancestors:
As a result, we routinely overestimate threats while underestimating opportunities and resources. Some people have an “optimism bias” in what they say. But in their actions, studies show that most people work harder to avoid pain than to get pleasure and remember failures and rejections more than successes and kindness from others. One result is that the media focuses on bad news, because that’s what people pay attention to; thus, the saying in journalism, “if it bleeds, it leads.”
Everyone looks at the world, and their lives, assuming that they know the truth. This isn’t truth with a capital T but simply the truth about everyday things, like how to drive a car, buy groceries, and do one’s job. We know other basic things that are true, such as when we are awake as opposed to being asleep. In other words, the world works, more or less to our satisfaction.
Somewhere beyond everyday affairs there are experts, professionals, and thinkers who deal in deeper truths, still not with a capital T but getting closer. Scientists especially are trusted to give us the truth about Nature from the most microscopic regions of quanta to the most cosmic regions, where quasars and black holes exist. We trust that if the everyday world is working, science must have a handle on why it works, operating from its deeper perspective.
So it comes as something of a shock, even though it doesn’t touch us personally, that the scientific view of the world is so wobbly that it is on the verge of becoming either untrue or obsolete or both. At the farthest edges of exploration, the basic elements of physics—space, time, matter, and energy—vanish, either because they disappear into a black hole or because the scale of measurement reaches the limit, known as the Planck scale, where there is no way to calculate anything. At the same time there is the whole issue of dark matter and energy, which are barely known and may not be knowable by the human mind, since our brains are set up for regular matter and energy.
This week I noticed a theme that I picked up on during conversations with various people I thought I’d bring to you. I noticed there was a recurring discussion about speaking the truth, using your voice in a powerful way, and dealing with the consequences of what happens when you don’t speak out of fear.
Authenticity requires you to use your voice with a certain veracity– telling the truth, the absolute truth. Finding your voice takes courage, especially if you were raised to be seen and not heard, or you had to fight to be heard, or you were punished for telling the truth. Maybe all these things were implied while you were learning how to fit in, before finding out who you wanted to be.
My writing has been described as lyrical or even whimsical. I know my words as truth; they carry an awareness of a kinder and compassionate world.
We are living in a time that allows our actions and reactions to be far reaching into our world. Humanity has documented challenges and successes of our planet throughout the ages. Our ability to be aware of current situations across the oceans has gifted us a unique knowledge and challenge. The media is sharing terrifying footage of fires, wars, and other devastating events that are portrayed as out of control. It might appear like humanity is being brought to our collective knees….
I choose to look at this moment in history as an opportunity to gain a higher perspective of our options. We can unite, bring light, and vibrancy to the areas where fear has trapped us. To achieve this, we need to look deeper into every image. For example, we see animals fleeing the fires in Australia. This has triggered emotions for many of us. Seeing the animals loosing lives to an out of control fire stirs up grief, fear and sadness.
The Practice:
Tell the Truth and Play Fair
Why?
Perhaps like you, I’ve been worrying lately about what it will take for all of us to live together in peace.
I remember what I’ve heard many teachers say to their students: Tell the truth. Play fair.
This is what we ask our own kids to do. It’s what we look for in a friend, a boss, and a neighbor. If your child cheats on a board game, you point it out; it’s not OK. We want cashiers to give us the correct change and doctors to be honest about our test results. It’s basic.
The Foundation of Morals and Ethics
People compete with each other and have conflicts. But whether it’s a game of cards, businesses on main street, or an election, we expect a level playing field. Rights for you are also rights for me, and rules for me are also rules for you. If everyone accepts these standards, winning is all the sweeter because you earned it. Losing may be bitter but at least you know you weren’t cheated.
