Lessons in Gratitude: The 3 Levels in Healthy Relationships

Lessons in Gratitude: The 3 Levels in Healthy Relationships
By: Mat Boggs

“At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us.” – Albert Schweitzer


Most of us think of gratitude as being thankful or appreciative. But it’s deeper than that definition alone.

There are lessons in gratitude that help you build better relationships, improve your own mood, increase your happiness, and much more…

None of these benefits are things you’d ever say no to, right?

It’s not like you’d think, “Ick, strong relationships. Who wants them?”

Here’s the thing: Gratitude is present in all strong relationships. There are studies about the correlation between gratitude and building healthy, lasting relationships. Not just in your love life, but across the board.

In fact, research shows that the presence of gratitude strengthens romantic relationships, helps you build and maintain friendships, and even leads to more productive relationships with co-workers and acquaintances.

And, big bonus, it’s scientifically proven that a person with gratitude is also more attractive.

Sounds like a lot to be grateful for, doesn’t it?

I’m a firm believer in the practice of gratitude.

It’s improved my life and relationships in so many ways. Which is why I’m excited to share this blog post with you today.

We’re going to talk about how gratitude helps relationships. You’ll learn the three levels of gratitude, so that you can easily see which level you use most often.

We’re also going to talk about how you can generate gratitude, even when the situation is difficult. Developing a practice of gratitude improves your whole life and is one of the ways that you can attract high quality relationships.

If you’re looking for more information to attract the love you desire, download my complimentary eBook, The 5 Feminine Qualities High Value Men Find Irresistible.

It’s filled with lessons to help you amplify your amazing qualities to raise your vibration and become more magnetic to high value men.

Does Gratitude Help Relationships?

Gratitude is also a mindset. It is scientifically proven to make us happier.

I practice gratitude every day. And this isn’t just a “me” thing.

If you Google “gratitude practice”, you’ll find a wealth of articles from psychologists, health professionals, life coaches, and regular people who all talk about the benefits of adding gratitude to your day.

As Brave Thinkers, we know that gratitude is expansive.

It helps us to focus on the good in our life, rather than focusing on what’s missing, which is a frequency of lacking.

When you practice gratitude, your mood is lighter. You develop an appreciation for the things that you are grateful for, and you experience more joy.

You’ll notice that your mood and level of happiness impacts your relationships.

If you’re focusing on negative things or poor circumstances, it can bring down your level of energy and impact your partner.

The opposite is also true, if you’re more in tune with a higher vibration, you’ll raise the energy in any social or personal communication.

In your relationships, expressing gratitude is also important. It’s one of the ways that we build trust and feel supported.

There are many ways that you can show gratitude.

For instance, you can use words of affirmation or any of the five love languages your man responds to. You can acknowledge him in sweet ways on social media, or find creative ways to appreciate him at home.

Lessons in Gratitude: The 3 Levels of Gratitude

There are three levels of gratitude.

  • When Gratitude
  • For Gratitude
  • In Gratitude

When Gratitude

A lot of people practice this type of gratitude. This is the lowest level of gratitude, and it’s actually something I call Victim Level Gratitude.

When Gratitude is like putting off gratitude. It’s saying when xyz thing happens, then I’ll be grateful.

When I lose weight, I’ll be grateful.

When I meet the love of my life, I’ll be grateful.

When I get the job of my dreams, I’ll be grateful.

The problem with When Gratitude is that you’re not in the mindset of gratitude. In order to bring those good things into your life, you must be on the same frequency as those things.

When Gratitude actually keeps you rooted in what you lack.

This is level one gratitude. It doesn’t let you achieve a mindset of gratitude because you’re always waiting for a requirement you don’t have yet.

For Gratitude

Most of us practice this kind of gratitude. I know I do.

This is the type of gratitude where we assign gratitude for things that we have.

I’m grateful for my house.

I’m grateful for my health.

I’m grateful for my family and friends.

I’m grateful for my job.

This second type of gratitude is very important to practice. For Gratitude is scientifically proven to increase your vibration, make you happier, amplifies your vibration, and make you more attractive to others.

The problem comes when something happens to those things you’re grateful for.

What happens if you’re grateful for your health, and then something happens to impair your health?

What happens if you’re grateful for your relationship, and it ends?

What happens if you’re grateful for your loved one, and they pass away?

This second level of gratitude is important to cultivate. But if it’s the only level of gratitude you have access to, it can be extremely challenging for you when something happens to those things that you’re grateful for.

It can be difficult to cultivate gratitude if you lose one or some of those things. And it can be very hard to get back to a level of gratitude after a loss.

This is why it’s so important to cultivate the third and highest level of gratitude.

In Gratitude

No matter what circumstances I find myself in, therein to be grateful.

You don’t need to be happy about terrible circumstances. I’m not telling you that you won’t feel loss or that you shouldn’t experience the emotions that come with disappointments.

What I am saying is that you can cultivate a mindset that encourages you to be grateful regardless of the circumstances.

This type of third gratitude comes from the knowledge that everything in your life is designed by infinite intelligence.

If you believe that everything in your life (the good and the bad) is there for a reason, this third level of gratitude is available to you.

This level of gratitude is rooted in the belief that the circumstances you experience help your soul progress. The conditions you face help you live into your purpose.

If you believe that everything you go through in your life is designed for the evolution of who you came to this planet to be, this highest level of gratitude is possible.

And with this highest level of gratitude, you can maintain that vibration and ability to attract the love and life you desire, no matter what obstacles you face. 

Generating Gratitude in Difficult Situations

While I covered the third type of gratitude above, I really wanted to take some time to talk about generating gratitude in difficult situations.

When you’re learning lessons in gratitude and the different levels, this is the most difficult one to achieve. It’s far more difficult to be grateful when things are not going well.

If you can generate gratitude when things are difficult, then you can more easily return to love and peace.

When I was in high school, my biggest dream was to play college level football. Football was the thing I was most passionate about. And then, in my sophomore year, I blew out my knee.

I can remember the doctor telling me that I’d never play again. Telling me to give up that dream.

It was like someone stabbed me in the heart. It was so painful and I was so angry.

It was a difficult time for me.

Looking back, it reminds me of a Buddhist teaching.

There’s an ancient Japanese concept called Kintsugi, which means, “golden joining”. When pottery is broken, you can take resin and mix it with powdered gold. And then fill in the gaps with that gold to make the bowl whole again.

The process represents reconciliation and the belief is that the pottery isn’t ruined by being broken. That it is actually more beautiful through the repair.

The Buddhists relate this process not only to pottery, but to people. That the process of repairing from the things that break you actually makes you more beautiful.

When I first learned that my injury was so serious, it was like being broken. But in retrospect, the experience made me more resilient and stronger.

I was not willing to give up on that dream. And that meant that I needed to dig deeper and learn lessons of humility and tenacity that I had never needed to learn before. And I did get to play football again, but it was a long road.

And what I learned was that the horrible circumstance was not the end of my dream. But a way for me to grow into the person I was meant to become.

The Practice of Gratitude and Attracting the Love You Deserve

We covered some deep lessons today. You’ve learned why gratitude is so important for your mental and emotional health and how it enhances your mood.

We’ve talked about why gratitude is important in relationships, both the mindset and the different ways we show appreciation. And you’ve learned about the three levels of gratitude.

We’ve also covered a more difficult to master concept, how to generate gratitude in difficult situations. It is a challenge to do, but so worth it because it will help you get back to that mindset of love and peace after experiencing hardships.

I invite you to make gratitude a part of your daily practice.

You might start the day by thinking of three things that you’re grateful for. Or you might start a gratitude journal. Some people like to add gratitude meditation to their evening routine.

Gratitude is scientifically proven to make you happier and more attractive.

If you’re looking for more resources to help you attract love into your life, I invite you to download my free eBook, The 5 Qualities High Value Men Find Irresistible. It’s filled with great tips to help you amplify your best qualities to become a magnet for the kind of love you deserve.


Mat Boggs is known by many as one of the world’s leading experts in the areas of love and relationships. Through his revolutionary coaching programs, “Cracking the Man Code,” Mat Boggs has helped millions of women around the world attract true love and create fulfilling relationships that last. He has also built a highly successful coaching business, written a best-selling book, shared the stage with some of the industry’s biggest names like Jack Canfield, Les Brown, Bob Proctor, and Brendon Burchard, and been featured on The Today Show, CNN, Headline News, and more.

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