It's easy to forget that we are all perfect in our own design. Sometimes we muck it up with habits and choices that do not serve us. 

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How Important is Your Integrity to You?

Integrity:

  • being reliable and trustworthy with your word - doing what you say you are going to do
  • being honest, telling the truth about yourself
  • not doing anything you would not want announced publicly
  • walking your talk - adhering to the moral principles and standards that you profess are important to you
  • being accountable for your actions and taking responsibility for your feelings

Ray consulted with me because his ten-year marriage was running into severe difficulties. He was deeply in love with his wife and was terrified of losing her, yet the outlook was not bright with the way things had been going.

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How To Deal With A Breakup

Some Questions I Ask:

  • What lessons have you learned from a breakup?
  • Why did your soul attract this person and situation?
  • Why did your soul bring this experience into your life?
  • What is this person mirroring to you about yourself?

In This Episode You Will Learn:

  • How to heal from a painful breakup.
  • How to shift from heartbreak to opening your heart and creating a beautiful relationship.
  • How to facilitate a deeper understanding of yourself and set yourself free.
  • 5 positive questions to ask yourself during a breakup to prevent self-sabotaging.
  • The 3 ways of staying positive during a breakup.

Are You Missing Out on What Life Is All About?

"Love is life... And if you miss love, you miss life." - Leo Buscaglia, author

Take a moment to think about Leo Buscaglia's quote. Have you ever thought about love this way – that you actually miss living your life if love isn't what your life is about?

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Discerning Between Love and Manipulation

"Everyone loved my mother and thought she was a saint, but I never felt good around her, and I never felt loved by her. There must have been something wrong with me," stated Pauline in our first session together.

While Pauline's mother's actions appeared to outsiders to be loving, energetically there was no love. The actions that appeared to be loving were really manipulations geared to control how others saw her. Her "giving" was designed to get attention and approval, rather than coming from an open, caring heart.

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How To Manifest Love That You Want In Your Life

We all want to love and be loved.

We spend so much of our time and energy trying to find and attract the right person.

In this video, I share keys how to manifest love that you want in your life. It’s a game-changer if you understand and apply it.

The Reality Of Feeling Devalued In A Relationship With A Narcissist

One of the key characteristics of narcissism is a sense of grandiosity or a sense of being superior to others. In addition to just thinking they are better than everyone, including their partners, the narcissist constructs a fantasy world where they are always on center stage, regardless of what is happening around them.

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3 Keys To Relationships

Relationships on any level can be challenging.

You are dealing with another human who is living in their own reality.

Often we want those we love to be like us.

Sometimes we try and control others to fit our ideal. This only creates suffering.

In my video blog, I share the 3 keys that can make a big difference in all of your relationships. It’s a game changer, if you understand and apply it.

Are You a Good Lover?

Being a great lover is more than mastering the Kama Sutra. On the deepest level it’s not so much about sex, it’s about leading (and loving) with an open, generous, and flexible heart.

As much as most of us resist change, we must accept that we change, our partners change, and circumstances change.

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What Makes You Feel Loved?

         “Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.”
David Byrne

I've Been Thinking...

My brother sent me a quote from Leonard Cohen the other day that took my breath away. Read it with me, will you?   


“I greet you from the other side of sorrow and despair, with a love so vast and shattered it will reach you everywhere.”

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Raise Your Love Frequency to Manifest Your Soulmate

Love has also been described as an intangible connection between two people that feels exceptionally good and yet, the word and experience of love, cannot be easily defined.

There is wild, crazy “being in love,” and there is the love of a child, friends, family, pets, co-workers, neighbors, community, etc. Then there is “divine love” and connection to God, Goddess or whatever higher power you subscribe to. I think we can all agree that having and being love is a good thing.The entire Universe is made up of energy and we impact this energy field with our thoughts, feelings, emotions, beliefs and actions. All of us our vibrating, all the time, at various frequencies.

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How To Spot The Love Avoidant Person

These anxious attachment people gravitate to love avoidant people. The love avoidant person is often very similar to the distant, uncarHow To Spot The Love Avoidant Personing, neglectful, or even absent parent of the anxious attachment style partner. It is, however, a familiar style, and love avoidant people often mask their true behaviors in the early parts of a romantic relationship. Keep in mind, the love avoidant style still needs human contact and relationships. Still, they are uncomfortable when confronted with this. In other words, they want to be close but dislike the thought of being close or dependent on another. To reinforce this, they distance themselves both emotionally and physically.

A love avoidant individual may be charming, happy, and spend time with you, even initiating this time spent together. Unavailable partners know they must demonstrate some level of intimacy at the beginning of the relationship. At the same time, the needs of the anxious and avoidant attachment types are opposites, and there is little chance of these types of relationships being healthy. Instead, avoidant and anxious attachment style partners create a toxic relationship with a high risk of emotional damage.

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The New SINGLE Reframe: Be a Solo

Life is changing faster than ever, and this includes the world of partnership.

Do you desire a traditional, legal marriage to raise children together?

Do you wish to remain single but in a committed relationship?

Do you want to share your life with your BFF from grade school, sans sex and romance, and raise kids while you both can still date others for fun?

Or, how about never using the word single again and just embrace the adventurous world of being a solo?

Baby, you’ve got options!

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Choose To Love

What does your heart say?

The Practice:
Choose to Love

Why?

Many years ago, I was in a significant relationship in which the other person started doing things that surprised and hurt me. I’ll preserve the privacy here so I won’t be concrete, but it was pretty intense. After going through the first wave of reactions – What?! How could you? Are you kidding me?! – I settled down a bit. I had a choice.

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Are They Your Soulmate?

Happily. Ever. After.

These are the three most dangerous words for women in love.

Even the smartest women fall into a love trance thinking that now that they have found their soulmate, the love of their life, he/she will naturally know how to make them happy, satisfied and content.

Sure, you’ve heard that relationships take work, and yet you believe that your “soulmate love” will be effortless.

You’ve found a love that is rare and precious, an unimaginable love.

A love that will conquer everything.

And then a year, or ten, or twenty later you may find yourself restless, or worse, angry, frustrated, disappointed and ready to give up and head for divorce court.

One of the most common questions I am asked is:

“How do I know if he/she is my soulmate?”

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Mark Nepo's Weekly Reflection: Being A Romantic

Throughout history, those afraid of the life of feelings have undermined their power and dismissed their rightful role in experiencing truth. For much of my life, I’ve been called a Romantic, which is true, but not complete. It’s like defining the sea by its surface. Romantic is a term that has been diminished through the years. Today, it denotes a sentimental outlook on life fueled by unwarranted optimism. At heart, though, it has always been an outlook that assumes there’s something larger than the individual. All the energy surrounding such a view arises from a belief in the interconnectedness of all Life and the experience of Wholeness.

At its core, Romanticism suggests that we can become whole through inwardness, by feeling and inhabiting our “inscape,” as Gerard Manley Hopkins calls it. “Feeling is all,” as the German poet Goethe says.

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Are You Ridiculed for Your Spiritual Beliefs?

Are you in a relationship with someone who judges you for your spiritual beliefs?

I work with many people whose spiritual connection is very important to them, but who are in a relationship with a partner who ridicules them, or whose family ridicules them. My client, Shelly, ask me: “I'm in a relationship with a man who is very kind and loving but does not have any form of faith, and he regularly ridicules religion. I am not religious, but I do have spiritual beliefs which he describes as ‘fanciful’. I don’t feel close and connected with him, or respected by him when he judges me, so I no longer share my beliefs with him. But why does he ridicule me? And how should I respond to this?”
 

It's my experience that when someone judges another for their spiritual beliefs, it's because on some level they feel threatened by them.

People who don't open to having a personal experience of Spirit are often afraid of being duped or controlled. They feel safe when they are in their head rather than in their heart, and they may feel afraid of being used or taken advantage of if they move into their heart. When such a person takes a one-up position, like Shelley's partner who is judging her spiritual beliefs as 'fanciful,' it's often because they are afraid of losing control over the other person. Perhaps Shelley's partner fears that if she follows her own guidance, he may lose control over her.

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Are You Unrealistically Hoping Your Partner Will Change?

Is there someone in your life whom you love and whom you keep hoping will change if you love them enough?

One of the main reasons people stay too long in a relationship is that they unrealistically hope that, miraculously, their partner will change. This is the situation Marisa describes:

"I've been investing my entire heart in a narcissistic man over the past ten months. During this time, I've had the life sucked out of me - I've not been tending to myself and instead have abandoned myself to try to make him feel better in the hopes he'll change, care for and respect me right back. Deeply depressed of late he refuses to seek psychiatric or therapeutic help. I couldn't stand by watching him drown and finally two weeks ago said he should call me when he finds outside help and is feeling better. It's been so relaxing not to be insulted, criticized or bullied or be walking on eggs constantly. I miss him even so and am shocked and hurt that I've not heard from him to date. I accept that I was so busy rescuing him that I abandoned myself in doing so. If he contacts me, I'd like to try putting myself first. I’m probably kidding myself, but should I even contemplate giving him another chance? A narcissist is never wrong and is always right as you know. I'm miserable in the meantime."

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Once You Let Go

This month my wife, Jan and I celebrated our thirteenth wedding anniversary. I have to say I am more in love with Jan today, than the day I decided to marry her! It’s amazing how when you are patient, and you allow relationships to come to you, and you allow life to unfold, that you will eventually meet someone who will love you for being you. 

It is an amazing blessing. For those of you who are looking for love, hoping for love, praying for love, love has not given up on you. Once you give up the need for something, it comes into your life. 

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The Best New Year Gift Ever

Many of us grew up feeling very alone. When our feelings were not accepted and attended to with caring, understanding, and compassion, we might have felt deeply abandoned and perhaps terrified at the level of aloneness we felt within. If you were abused physically, sexually, or emotionally, or you were neglected, then this aloneness was overwhelming and you had to find ways to numb this pain, which is how the wounded self was developed.

Today, this deep aloneness and fear can get triggered in our relationships. This triggering is common in dysfunctional relationship systems such as the one between Janice and Marcus.

Janice, an only child, had a mother who suffered from borderline personality disorder (BPD), a mental disorder where the person is often blaming, threatening, and rageful. Janice’s mother took her rage out on Janice, and when she would cry, her mother would ridicule her. Janice’s father was an alcoholic who sometimes beat her and her mother. There was never a time growing up when Janice felt safe. She had developed a deep fear of rejection. 

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Green Flags to Know THEY are the ONE!

During the dating process we are often on high alert for “red flags,” the things they say or do that trigger fear that they could be trouble. We’re looking for our deal-breakers in a fierce need to protect our tender hearts from potential heartbreak.

While it’s smart to be paying attention, and when you see or hear something un-settling or disturbing, be SURE to do these two things:

  1. Never make assumptions.
  2. Ask clarifying questions before coming to any conclusions that will have you throwing out the baby with the bath water.

I recently came across a wonderful list of “relationship green flags” from therapist Sara Kuburic.

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Weekday Personal Support

Join Panache Desai each weekday morning for support in reconnecting to the wellspring of calm and peace that lives within you and that has the power to counterbalance all of the fear, panic, and uncertainty that currently engulfs the world.

Designed To Move You From Survival and Fear to Safety and Peace. Available Monday - Friday. Meditation begins at 9 AM.  Access early to hear Panache's monologue -  around 8:30 AM. 

30 Simple Ways to Create Balance and Connection

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