What Makes You Feel Loved?

         “Sometimes it's a form of love just to talk to somebody that you have nothing in common with and still be fascinated by their presence.”
David Byrne

I've Been Thinking...

My brother sent me a quote from Leonard Cohen the other day that took my breath away. Read it with me, will you?   


“I greet you from the other side of sorrow and despair, with a love so vast and shattered it will reach you everywhere.”

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Feed the Wolf of Love

Which wolf do you feed?

The Practice:
Feed the wolf of love.

Why?

I once heard a teaching story in which an elder, a grandmother, was asked what she had done to become so happy, so wise, so loved, and respected. She replied: “It’s because I know that there are two wolves in my heart, a wolf of love and a wolf of hate. And I know that everything depends on which one I feed each day.”

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5 Sensual Self-Love Dates this Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is not just meant for couples. It is a celebration of LOVE! Who better to celebrate love with than yourself? In fact, did you know that February 13, the day before Valentine’s Day, is International Self-Love Day? This holiday was created to remind us to show ourselves love – not just in mid-February but every day.

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How Willing Are You to Learn to Love Yourself?

"The world is filled with willing people; some willing to work, the rest willing to let them."
 ~Robert Frost

Take a moment to think about this quote by Robert Frost. Which are you? How much work are you willing to put into learning to love yourself and taking responsibility for your feelings? Or are you only willing to watch others do their inner work, hoping they will change in the way you want them to?

'Willingness.' This word is a major part of Step One of Inner Bonding. In order to move through the Steps, we need to be willing to feel our pain rather than avoid it. We need to be willing to discover what we might be doing – what we are telling ourselves and how we are treating ourselves – that may be causing our pain. We need to be willing to feel the very painful core feelings of life – the loneliness, heartbreak, grief, and helplessness over others and over life events - that occur when others are unloving, or when we experience loss of a loved one or loss of financial security, or when we witness people hurting other people.

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Resolve to S.N.A.P. Into Self-Compassion

Try This Practice for More Calm, Less Stress in 2022


Practicing mindfulness in everyday life can help us feel less distracted, reduce anxiety, improve memory and concentration, and better manage crises like dealing with the pandemic, research shows. Could it even help us keep New Year’s resolutions?

I believe the answer is yes, when we make self-compassion part of our mindfulness practice.

Studies show that people who are compassionate toward themselves are more likely to try again when they fail to achieve a goal. They don’t see failure as a blow to their self-concept. They recognize that everyone fails, and view failure is an opportunity to grow.

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How Important is it to You to Love?

"Being deeply loved by someone
Gives you strength,
While loving someone deeply
Gives you courage."
  ~Lao Tzu

There is nothing so wonderful in life as deeply loving and feeling deeply loved. We receive much strength and support in feeling deeply loved, and it takes much courage to love deeply.

This is, perhaps, the most vulnerable experience in life. To love deeply and receive another's deep love means that your heart is completely open – open to both love and loss.
 

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Dismantle the Wall Around Your Heart

Tearing down a Heart-Wall can make a big difference in your ability to experience love, for Valentine’s Day and the rest of your life



Valentine’s Day is a time for celebrating love, but what if you have lost someone you love? Heartbreak is not just an expression for the strong emotions we feel surrounding loss. It is a very real condition that can damage your health and even lead to premature death.

You may have heard about a study from the UK a few years ago that found that bereavement doubles a person’s chances of dying of a heart attack or stroke. You can probably remember a time in your life when you thought your heart was going to break. That sensation may have felt like an elephant was sitting on your chest, or that you couldn’t breathe. These are common physical sensations that result when your heart — the core of your being — is suffering from a deep trauma.

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A Lifestyle Geared Towards Life & Longevity

For many of you, love has become enabling. I’ve discovered that the more I love myself, the less I put up with or tolerate in my life. So, is love then enabling? Of course the answer is no. Love is not enabling. And we have to stop enabling that which is unconscious and doesn’t serve and that which is not in alignment with harmony. Why? Because that’s an extension of your self-love. 

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The Best New Year Gift Ever

Many of us grew up feeling very alone. When our feelings were not accepted and attended to with caring, understanding, and compassion, we might have felt deeply abandoned and perhaps terrified at the level of aloneness we felt within. If you were abused physically, sexually, or emotionally, or you were neglected, then this aloneness was overwhelming and you had to find ways to numb this pain, which is how the wounded self was developed.

Today, this deep aloneness and fear can get triggered in our relationships. This triggering is common in dysfunctional relationship systems such as the one between Janice and Marcus.

Janice, an only child, had a mother who suffered from borderline personality disorder (BPD), a mental disorder where the person is often blaming, threatening, and rageful. Janice’s mother took her rage out on Janice, and when she would cry, her mother would ridicule her. Janice’s father was an alcoholic who sometimes beat her and her mother. There was never a time growing up when Janice felt safe. She had developed a deep fear of rejection. 

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Creating And Sticking To Intentions To End A Toxic Relationship In The New Year

A toxic relationship is destructive on so many levels. Not only is there the loss of self and self-worth, but there is also the loss of enjoyment in life, the ability to be with a loving, positive partner, and the loss of your own sense of joy and purpose,  

This New Year, creating the intention to walk away from a toxic relationship is the best possible gift to give yourself. Like any type of change it is not always easy. There will be times when you may be tempted to give the partner another chance, to make those old excuses, or finding yourself being pulled back into the relationship throughout their manipulation and lies.

Creating a way to stick to your intentions to get out of the unhealthy relationship allows you to develop a plan to address these feelings as they arise. Building on your strengths and learning how to thrive in your own independence starts with accepting help and support from others.  This  is the best way to make the changes you want to see in your life.

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Sharing Holiday Love - Even If You Are Alone!

Are you single, newly divorced, and without family around you? Are you dreading being alone for the holidays? Your holiday can be joyous and fulfilling!

Being alone is a challenge for many people. This challenge may loom especially large during the holidays if you are single or newly divorced and without family around you. Holidays are a time to share love, and many people end up feeling depressed when they do not have people around with whom to show their love. If you are in this situation, what can you do to make the holidays joyous rather than depressing?

The key phrase here is SHARE LOVE.

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Discover the Ultimate Love Experience by Creating a Self-Love Ceremony

If you were provided with an opportunity to deepen your self-love, would you do it? Would you say yes, to creating a sacred ceremony that required vows to cherish and love yourself?

I am in the middle of a three-month intentional focus on increasing my self-love, respect and experiencing healing in the process. Lately my mind has traveled the many paths of how we show love and commitment to others. I have noticed we are lacking in social and cultural ways of celebrating true self-love.

I began to contemplate the power of words in marriage vows and all the traditions that are woven into one big, beautiful moment, where we promise to honor and care for another person. What if we created a similar ceremony that recognized the union of your higher self, physical self and one’s soul?

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Post Traumatic Growth And Resiliency After Toxic Relationships

A toxic relationship is highly destructive. It creates a loss of sense of self through verbal and emotional abuse that tears down the person at a very basic level. Toxic relationships are often hard to see for the individual, as the toxicity or the negativity and abuse builds slowly. Even when there is no physical abuse, the constant degrading comments, the control over every aspect of your life, the gaslighting and blame associated with these types of relationships causes damage that is hard to see but highly devastating to experience.

The good news is that people can leave toxic relationships. Taking the time to work with a therapist or a counselor or joining a supportive community like my Inner Circle helps to identify the key signs of a toxic relationship and to rebuild your sense of self-worth, self-compassion, and self-love.
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Actions of Love

Many people suffer daily from anxiety, depression, stress, guilt, shame, anger and inadequacy. Taking loving actions can heal this.


Myrna, 38 and a successful physician, sought my help because she often felt inadequate. While she really valued herself as a doctor, she did not value herself in her important relationships with friends and family. In addition, she said she wanted to be in a loving relationship but she took no actions to meet available men.

In the course of our work together, it became apparent that Myrna rarely took loving action on her own behalf with her friends and family. For example, Jessica, one of Myrna's friends, would often get angry and blame Myrna when Myrna was not available for dinner with Jessica. Myrna would feel guilty and responsible for Jessica's feelings and meet her for dinner even when she was exhausted from work. Myrna would feel drained after these dinners and depressed for a few days after, never realizing it was because she had abandoned herself.

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Your super power – find gratitude for your mind when it’s simply not sure

Pause for a moment and ask yourself, “Am I regularly allowing love to be bigger in my life? Am I allowing my own inner voice to matter more? Am I migrating toward or manifesting the deep desires I dream of?”

If you answer yes (or even consider a yes), your mind is likely starting to get afraid. It gets afraid because when you say “yes,” you are recognizing more of your bigness. When you see from a larger, bird's eye perspective, the mind gets nervous. 

What I'd love for you to know is, when your mind gets nervous, it's a good sign. This is a quantum flip that can change your life. 

During this season of gratitude and beyond, I invite you to make a quantum flip and be grateful for your mind when it gets nervous

When the mind senses there's something more manifesting and “I'm not in control anymore,” it gets nervous. This “something” is more of you, the Soulful Self, embodying.

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A Challenging Journey: From Mind Focus to Body Focus

Do you spend most of your time focused in your mind or your body? Are you staying in your mind as a way to avoid responsibility for your feelings?

"Breathe into your body and notice what you are feeling," I said to Bryan in our second phone session. "What are you feeling?"

"I feel bad and uncomfortable. I don't like focusing in my body."

"Where do you focus most of the time?"

"In my mind. I think about work all day and then the rest of the time I daydream or think of other things."

"So you do all you can to stay in your head and out of your body - right?"

"Right. It doesn't feel good in my body."

"Bryan, imagine that you always ignore your little daughter, and then when you finally do give her some attention, you find that she is upset with you for ignoring her all the time - and then you ignore her more because you don't want to know that she is upset with you for ignoring her so much."

"I would never do that with my daughter."

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Positive self talk: trash vs. treasure

I talk a lot about dealing with the crabs in your bucket. Their negative words, actions or overall vibe can do some serious damage to our self image, dreams or big goals. The crabs like to tear you down by making jabs at the progress you’ve made, constantly attempting to knock you back down to their level.

Sometimes, though, we may be our own worst crabs. And I think that this has a big part in how we speak to ourselves. Our self talk is the gateway to what our future could hold. So often, we speak things into existence. If we tell ourselves that today will be a bad day, than it most likely will be. If we say we can’t go back to school to get a graduate degree, we’ll never even attempt it.

So, how do you talk to yourself? About your body? About your job? About your finances?

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What Are You Afraid to Feel?

Are you stuck in wounded pain due to avoiding your deeper existential pain of life?

We desire to find the path to peace, joy, and freedom. We strive to feel lovable, worthy, and secure. We know that if we do our Inner Bonding work and open to our connection with Spirit, we will feel all of that. Yet we don't. We put off dialoguing for days or weeks. We stay stuck in our misery or numbness. Why? What are we so afraid of, if we open to learning about loving ourselves?

I searched for many years for the answer to this question. Over and over, I would find myself falling out of grace and joy and into anxiety and stress. Each time it was because I failed to take care of myself in some way.

The problem is that all our feelings live in the same place in the heart. Pain resides in the same place as joy. We cannot numb out our pain without squelching our joy.

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Myths That Keep Us Feeling Sorry For Narcissists

Narcissists are chameleons with the ability to appear to be just what you want and need, at least for the initial whirlwind part of the relationship. However, once they have established the relationship, the dynamics change rapidly, with the narcissist utilizing a variety of tactics and manipulations to keep you close. The relationship stops being about creating a partnership and becomes a focus on keeping them happy and their needs fulfilled.

The tactics that narcissists use in this process are easily recognized by those outside the relationship. They may also be evident to the partner, but the myths around narcissism can make it extremely difficult to leave.

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Learning To Trust After A Toxic Relationship

A toxic relationship is an unhealthy relationship. These relationships typically include feelings of being unloved, unwanted, misunderstood, unsupported, belittled, or even attacked. While most people consider a toxic relationship emotional and psychological abuse, there can also be issues with physical abuse and domestic violence.

It is possible to find yourself in a toxic relationship and not really understanding how things got to that point. Often the toxic person is very good at hiding their abusive behavior at the beginning of the relationship. If the person is a narcissist, it can be difficult to understand the constant swings from overwhelming and grandiose acts of passion and love to absolute disdain and anger. The result is that you are constantly kept guessing what will happen next and doing everything you can to avoid the hostility and toxicity.

Signs of a Toxic Relationship

A few of the signs you are in a toxic relationship include:

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Weekday Personal Support

Join Panache Desai each weekday morning for support in reconnecting to the wellspring of calm and peace that lives within you and that has the power to counterbalance all of the fear, panic, and uncertainty that currently engulfs the world.

Designed To Move You From Survival and Fear to Safety and Peace. Available Monday - Friday. Meditation begins at 9 AM.  Access early to hear Panache's monologue -  around 8:30 AM. 

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