Mindfulness and Relationships


Relationships can be approached from 2 directions; need or as two fulfilled people sharing life. In relationship there should be both support and space. Looking to another to fulfill you will never work because fulfillment is a personal, internal experience. Share life, but have a life, each your own. Relationship that smothers or binds another or covers another with expectations will suffocate the other in need. It becomes energetically stifling.

Relationships serve as one of the strongest vehicles to bring into awareness all that is hidden. At the same time it allows you to connect to your essential self and feel the love there and focus and share that love with another. Love is always an internal experience, even though another can inspire your inner connection and allow you to get in touch with your inner love.

Relationships are really about a means to find inner connection to your essential self. But most of your relationships are so infused with need that the true purpose of expanding joy can’t be expressed. Relationships that are founded upon needs tend to disintegrate into lack of satisfying that need, ending in frustration. Relationships founded upon fulfilled individuals finding a compatible partner to share the joys and expansion of life tend to endure.

A relationship is grist for the mill. It takes all that is needing to be resolved within you and brings it into the light. And a relationship, if allowed, will sweep clean any residue that hides your true self. It requires allowing the other to evolve and expand, as you do, as well as recognize that you are walking a path together, side by side, neither holding each other too close or too far. Loving someone is realizing that you release your expectations, your judgments, your conditions and allow the other to be themselves.

It is important to make sure that you are in relationships that support you and your life, and that allow your growth and evolution and joy. Whether that is a friendship, with family, in a partnership or marriage, you should not feel trapped, ensconced in drama or abused and know that relationships are a choice. Fear of loneliness, financial hardship or hurting another must be looked at with honesty and clarity if they are the reasons for staying in a less than supportive relationship.

When you are in a relationship, you are engaging in a situation that is designed to trigger what is hidden and unresolved within you. Within is always the first place to look when you feel triggered by the relationship. It is normal for your judgement and blame to be focused upon the other, but the first place to feel is inside you when you are triggered.

Most people engage in relationships from a place of need. It is natural to want to be loved, respected, wanted and cherished and a healthy relationship should provide some of this. But when you hold an expectation that your need should be met by another it will generally lead to disappointment and dissatisfaction. Coming from a place of need generally means the starting point is internal unworthiness, lack or incompletion and those can only be integrated and dealt with internally. Another person can never give you worth or completion. This is your work.

You probably hold an ideal, a fantasy and a preconception of what the ideal relationship should look like and how the other person should act. This fantasy comes from society, movies, books and how you dream your life to be. But reality and fantasy seldom match up and this creates never to be met expectations and constant disappointment. See where your expectations are unrealistic or realistic.

There are times when relationships do not serve your evolution and expansion. There are times when you may be in a relationship that had ended years ago but you remain because of fear or obligation. See where fear is locking you into something that no longer serves you and summon the courage to act in your highest interest.

Allow yourself and the other to be authentic. Talk about what is important to you with the other and find ways to support your individual expansion. Find common points of connection. Walk together but not with dependency, casting a shadow.

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