Mindfulness and Sex


There is so much wrapped around the subject of sex; social norms, morality, religion, fear, addiction, habits, pleasure. It becomes almost impossible to strip all of that away and really look at what authentic expression, natural expression means. You need discrimination to look deeply and know who you authentically are. You are a unique expression and as unique expression no one will fit into the social, moral or religious mold exactly. One person will be more intellectual, another more emotional, another in the middle. Your uniqueness will affect sexual orientation and expression.

You have accumulated density and that also affects whether sex is approached from the standpoint of need, desire, craving and distraction or if it is approached from a balanced joyful expression within a structure that you find life supporting. Do you simply react to your craving and need or do you respond with discrimination to create what is fulfilling and life-supporting? There is value in approaching sex with awareness and mindfulness. There is a difference between pleasurable and beneficial and they create different long term results. Pleasure has value when merged with awareness and fulfillment. Pleasure can be a reflection of your inner bliss or a selfish act of disregard. Beneficial supports all life.

There are many aspects to sex; mental, physical, emotional, and spiritual. As you evolve into an authentic expression the emphasis may change and the expression may change to reflect the expanded energy and awareness. Acceptance and authenticity, without guilt, allows a more fulfilling experience, alone or with someone. Guilt and shame have no place in authentic expression.

With sex with a partner there is always an energetic connection. How that connection is made and deepened or released is something to be aware of. Is sex a natural outgrowth of deepening intimacy or is sex simply a need satisfied? It depends on your state of awareness. There is no judgment, simply the need for living with awareness, conscious choice and compassion for yourself and another.

The historic taboos, the restrictive boundaries around expression and confining ideas of conditioned right or wrong do not make for authenticity. It’s not that you have to try everything to find your expression. It’s more about feeling what feels expansive, at ease, natural, joyful, compassionate, and leaning in that direction.

One of your strongest identifications is to your body. One of your deepest desires is to be wanted, accepted and loved. One of your most powerful distractions is sex. One of your strongest goals in life is a feeling of connection and unity. One of the strongest physical pleasures is sex and some of the greatest taboos involve sex. And finally one of your strongest conditionings by society is to be in relationship and having approved sex in accepted situations. This is a powerful combination of desires, motives and reactions to become mindful of and unravel.

Is it distraction, is it need, is it conditioning, or is it authentic and expanding?

Living mindfully and with awareness and authenticity brings freedom. Start with knowing who you are authentically and ask yourself if you are expressing sexual authenticity. Then identify your motive and intention. Ask why or why not. Is this a distraction, an addiction, a reaction to hurt, or loving and bonding? Is there guilt and shame or freedom? Does it uplift you, expand you or does it bring you down in the end? Does it make you feel resonant or dissonant?

You are unique and your expression will be unique and that includes your sexual expression.

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